Let me preface this by saying that this is awkward for all of us, not just you. Though, granted, you’re probably slightly more embarrassed for yourself than I’m embarrassed for you.
Let’s recap some painful memories, shall we? Your fiancé, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, dumped you. Ouch! Two days after shooting your wedding dress photo spread in Life & Style. Very ouch! And now those photos are circulating around the internet, where people like me, chuckle at the perfect synchronicity of it all. I think that’s an accurate summary, don’t you?
I recall that you said, two days before he dumped you, "I want a romantic, mystical wedding, with lots of flowers.” How pretty! And mystical. Would that, by chance, involve fairies? Or a fog machine? Or perhaps, to my heart’s delight, Harry Potter themed nuptials?! Did you know that while you were dressed up in frothy, cupcake-like gown confections, envisioning your mystical union, your fiancé was contemplating your relationship’s imminent demise?
Because girl, you really, really should have seen this coming. Get ready, because I’m about to take this train to rant-town!
I am so, so incredibly tired of the same thing happening over and over again. Can’t you “celebrities” (and I use that term quite loosely) do something jazzy for a change and, I don’t know, be at least half-way intelligent about your relationships?
No, that would be too much to ask, wouldn't it?
Apparently Jay dumped you because you refused to leave your burgeoning career, ahem, and move to Chicago to be with him. Good for you! Girl power and all that!
But did you not think about this before you got engaged? I mean, the math involved is not exactly high-level. You’re in L.A. He’s in Chicago. One plus one equals ? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
I can’t say I’m surprised that this little feat of long-distance relationship engineering was too hard for you two to figure out. After all, you had only been together a vast eight months before you got engaged. And if I've said it once (which I have), I’ve said it a million times (done that too): Getting engaged after less than a year is a bad, bad move.
Why? Well, because you haven’t had the time to get to know this person well enough to actually marry them. You haven’t had time to fully test the strength of the relationship. You haven’t had time to see if it’s going to fall apart -- which many relationships do after a year or two.
Of course you didn't wait! Of course you didn't get to know your fiancé better! Of course you didn't talk about the logistics of how to make two careers work on opposite ends of the country before getting engaged. No! Because that’s what the "non-famous” people would do. And heavens no, we famous folk can’t be like those people. Shudder!
Listen, having a spurt of infamy because you got jilted after playing Pretty Pretty Princess for Life & Style is great. I’m sure it will prove wonderful for that thing you call a career. Incidentally, I didn't know that people could drag out their “fame” years after a crappy reality show ended. So kudos on that!
But you know what would have been better? If you’d built a happy, healthy relationship over a longer period of time. A relationship where you had logically and rationally discussed the logistics of your careers before putting a ring on it. A relationship in which you had made that distance and those two careers work, because you had formed a deep and lasting love and bond. Because, you know, that’s what real marriages are like. They’re hard and require sacrifice.
Maybe if you’d actually wanted a marriage, not a wedding, things would have turned out differently for you. But as it is, this girl has no sympathy.