The Ugly Truth, Courtesy of Star Magazine

Beauty is in the eye of beholder, or the make-up artist and photoshopper.

What is the recipe for beauty? Confidence, emotional intelligence, and an accurate understanding of what your butt really looks like in those jeans? Sure, one would think. But according to this week's Star Magazine, a thick coat of foundation along with an applicator brush and a photo touch-up is really all a girl needs. I'm so glad someone finally cleared that up.

"Stars Without Makeup!" exclaims the cover, along with pictures of Jennifer Lopez, Kirstie Alley, Teri Hatcher, Meg Ryan, and a mystery "supermodel" aka Heidi Klum looking like they just crawled out of bed, worked out, planted themselves in the worst light their skin tone has ever seen, and got caught on camera either immediately before or immediately after sneezing. An accurate portrayal no doubt.

I didn't buy the dumb-ass magazine because it annoyed me as a person; I bought it because it inspired me as a columnist, and I have a business account for such purchases. But why, I wonder, would anyone else in their right mind spend a dime on such trashy self-esteem demolishing crap? Have people become that delusional when it comes to their understanding of beauty that a cover story like that continues to stimulate enough shock value that it would result in a purchase? Sadly, yes. Yes they have.


So let's just do a little head from ass removal, shall we? Sometimes a little reminder is necessary. A reminder that beauty has in fact become a manufactured idea. A reminder that eyelashes are fake, lips are plumped, hair is extended, and the rest is photo-shopped on a level that would make your head spin. After 25 years of Oprah it seems that this concept would be quite clear, but alas, people not only remain confused about what beauty is and isn't, but they continue to spend an insane amount of money to look like a artificial product rather than a gorgeous human being. Because well, magazines like Star make "human" look pretty unappealing. It kinda makes me want to throw something.

In case you're one of those people who missed the memo and you continue to put yourself down for loosely resembling a real person rather that a mannequin slash alien, here's a video that might help clear some things up for you. For years this video has been in my "get a grip" arsenal and I strongly suggest, whether you bought Star Magazine or not, that you add it to yours. Consider it a gift. Because sometimes we all need a little reminder...

Enjoy your weekend, gorgeous.

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