Big news yesterday was Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis, who co-hosts a show on Martha's Hallmark Channel, Whatever with Alexis and Jennifer, has co-written a book about growing up with the world's most perfect Momster, aptly titled, Whateverland: Learning To Live Here.
Excerpts from the book were published on Us Weekly (and elsewhere), and when taken out of context, seem slightly scandalous. But not really.
Dlisted made the point yesterday that when you put it all together, Alexis' efforts to paint her mother in a negative light weren't terribly convincing, and I have to agree. If the worst thing that can be pulled from this is that Martha liked to pee with door open in front of her kid, well I am not impresses.
So here are the juicy quotes, and below Martha's response, which will air on her show later today:
Alexis on growing up PERFECT
"Martha does everything better! You can't win! If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again. I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."
"Martha was not interested in being kid-friendly. She used to make me wrap my own presents. She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, 'Now wrap these but don't look inside.'"
Take Your Damn Shoes OFF -- Pooping and Peeing Allowed
"My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off," Alexis writes. "For god's sake! My mother's dogs p--s and s--t on her rugs and she's telling people to take their shoes off?
MOM! Close the Damn DOOR!
"[She] always peed with the door open," Alexis continued of her mother's bathroom hygiene. "I remember saying, 'You know, now I have friends over! You can't do that anymore! It's gotta stop! My friends' parents don't do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It's exhausting! I'm a kid! Stop!'"
Martha's response (you can watch in the above clip) makes me think this is all just a media ploy to help her daughter sell her book, and what could be more maternal than that! Famewhoring: It's a good thing!
Read her response to the tempest below [transcribed from her TV show]:
Martha: “Well there’s a real buzz in the air, can you hear it? I think so. The studio is buzzing, my blackberry is buzzing. I get a little ‘ping ping’ like every five minutes. The internet is buzzing and it’s all because of my daughter Alexis. She’s at it again. Whateverland: Learning to Live Here. You think that now she’s a mom, she’s a grown up; that she would have sort of figured it out? Well she hasn’t. And she and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt, her radio partner on “Whatever,” they have written a book.I see what you did here Martha, well played. But if you want me to buy that damn book it better come with more horror stories than you peeing with door open. Just wait until my kids write their tell all book about my horrifying mothering -- piss and poo are just the prologue!
Martha Stewart: “I got an advanced copy and I actually read the book oh maybe about a month or a month and a half ago. I didn’t know that it was even coming. I had heard about a book but, it’s all about growing up. And fabulous pictures by the way. And it is hilarious and it is enlightening and it’s full of funny stories. It’s not an autobiography. Let’s get that straight right now. It touches on everything; food, fashion, cleaning, organizing and me. It’s irreverent and it’s lots of fun. Remember that “Whatever, [Martha]” show that those girls had on TV? That was my idea. You know making fun of good things is a good idea. Well Alexis, I had called her this morning and said ‘What is the funniest part of the book?’ She had given these answers. She sat for an interview to Us Weekly and they chose not to print her answers for some reason.
Martha Stewart [reading from a piece of paper]: One question, ‘There was never anything to eat at my house. Other people had food. I had no food . . . There were ingredients but no prepared food of any kind.’ Her [Alexis’) answer: And that is how my house is today. Turned out to be a good thing.
Martha Stewart: “Yes if you wanted to eat when she was growing up. You had to cook something. That was the whole idea. She is a superb cook.”
Martha Stewart [reading from a piece of paper]: Umm let’s see "Martha does everything better! You can't win! If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again. . . . I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."
And Alexis’ answer: "Obviously what I say in this book is an exaggeration of the truth. I’m not sure if there were glue guns when I was a kid.
And she’s right there were not any glue guns. She was twenty something when I first started working with glue guns and making my Christmas book. And she says, ‘I definitely prefer to have a mother who is good at things than the alternative.’”
Martha Stewart: “The best thing of all is Halloween she wrote: ‘Halloween was also a grim affair: There were no costumes. There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren't home.’ And so her answer is: ‘Oh ok. I left out the years when my mother made me costumes on the sewing machine. Or let me wear all of my grandmother’s fabulous costume jewelry when I was very young and was a gypsy for Halloween. It was kind of fun pretending no one was home. No one else did that or would admit that they did it. And I still do it til’ this day.’”Martha Stewart: [laughs] “I must have instilled in her some good habits. She’s tall, beautiful, gorgeous and mother of baby Jude and that’s all that counts. The book is out late October wherever books are sold. I encourage you to buy it, read and make it a best seller.”