Life truly does imitate art. Or maybe it's more accurate to say: "Life truly does imitate really cheesy, shoddily-written daytime soap operas."
It all started with a plot that Days of Our Lives would die for: a frantic call to the police by the "victim's" husband, Tareq Salahi, claiming his Real Housewife of D.C. had been kidnapped. Tareq was convinced his wife had been abducted by sinister forces after he received a call from Michaele on a number he did not recognize. When she claimed to be meeting up with her mother, but never showed, Tareq frantically alerted the authorities.
After learning of her husband's panic, Michaele admitted that she was not kidnapped, but was exactly where she wanted to be - in Memphis with "friend" and Journey guitarist Neal Schon. Michaele advised the authorities that she had not wanted her husband to know where she was.
But where, and how, did this sordid love affair start? Let's rewind!
Twenty years ago, Michaele dated both Neal Schon and Tareq Salahi. Struggling with whom to commit herself, Michaele eventually chose Tareq: "I chose Tareq over Neal because I thought life would be less stressful living on a vineyard in Virginia. Life on the road with a rock band, well, I thought I might not be able to keep up."
But alas, a luxurious life on the vineyard couldn't quell 20 years of burning passion. Neal and Michaele's star-crossed love broke free backstage after a Journey concert on September 4. Neal asked, "Are we going to do this forever?" Michaele replied, "No, we're not."
Ripping off her wedding ring while they were alone in his dressing room, she uttered "I love you. And that's never gonna change." Neal proclaimed, "Get over here! This has taken 15 years!"
Neal begged Michaele to board his tour bus and ride off with him, but Michaele made the monumentally difficult decision to stay behind. She said, "I was pretty close to doing it. But then I thought, No, that's not who I am. That would be public humiliation for Tareq."
Apparently, running off to Memphis while your husband claims you've been kidnapped is the kinder, less humiliating option. And it's not humiliating at all, it would seem, for Tareq to receive "taunting" pictures of Neal Schon's penis... which also happened.
But I digress! After declining to get on the tour bus on September 4, Michaele was tortured from desire to be with Neal. Then, last Tuesday, Neal reached out to Michaele and begged of her, "I don't want to wait anymore."
Michaele, so brave and stoic throughout this ordeal, finally crumbled. "I was going crazy, because when you want to be with someone that bad, you start to go crazy. I got on a plane by myself and just went."
Thus, prompting Tareq's frantic calls to the police and his ultimate humiliation. But the two lovers, finally reunited, couldn't be more blissful. Neal says, "It's like a fairy tale. It is, it really is. I'm very happy, very happy after waiting for her for 15 years."
I could go on about this. I could rant about how immature this behavior is for people in their 40s and 50s (and at any age), and how disrespectful it is to a marriage. I could talk about how it's complete bullshit that Neal "waited for her" for 15 years. Well, during all that "waiting," he got married twice and had three children. One of those marriages happened this July. I could talk about how Neal's head looks like a drowned poodle, or that after about three weeks of getting this out of their system physically, ahem, they'll get sick of each other.
But no. Instead, I'll just say: end scene.