I know, I know. Everyone’s like, “Rachel, STFU about freaking Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson!!” I’m sorry! I can’t help it. I have an obsessive compulsion with 51 year-old “actors” who marry teenagers! It’s the mother of all train wrecks, and who I am to look away?
And folks, let me tell you, these two do not disappoint. Case in point: Courtney Stodden’s Twitter feed. Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife, because this thing is steamy! If I were a Stepford Wife, I’d totally be clutching my pearls right about now.
In lieu of trying to explain, or even quote, the gems that are Courtney Stodden’s every tweet, I’m going to let you enjoy a few of my very favorites firsthand. You’re welcome.
...So. Need I remind anyone that this young
lady sexpot turned 17 two days ago?!
I’m left to ponder a few conundrums, mostly grammatical in nature. I’m not sure one can be “productive-fulfilled,” but their day can certainly be full of productivity. I’m also baffled as to the definition of “sexual daylight.”
But the bigger conundrum, I believe, is how the f*ck a parent could allow this to happen to their daughter?! Parents, let this be a warning to you! This is what happens when you allow your 16 year-old (now 17! She’s almost there!) daughter to marry a 51 year-old man who belongs in jail.
Sure, we’re all going to laugh at it because it’s absurd and likely not even real. But ultimately, it’s sad that this young girl (if her birth certificate is actually “rill”) defines her worth exclusively by her sexuality. She’s too young to understand that sex is not the only thing that sells, and no “responsible” adult in her life has bothered to correct her.
And the worst part - all this talk of sexuality is totally pointless! Is there any straight male out there who would admit to finding this girl legitimately attractive or sexually appealing? She’s 17, but looks like a 40 year-old Housewife of Beverly Hills.
I beg of her parents, PR agent, anyone: Somebody stop this girl!! And slap that creepy ass loser into jail! We don’t need one more underage “starlet” hell-bent on prostituting herself to the masses. We already have Ke$ha for that, thank you very much!