HELLOOO YOU LUCKY LOVELY AMERICAN LAAADEEEEEZ! Brace yourselves for party loving Prince Harry’s arrival stateside in the next few weeks.
And all you California girls, prepare for the unveiling of his huge, nay enormous... array of chat up lines.Over-sexed, over-paid, and soon to be over here, Prince Harry will be sampling the wild nightlife in America’s West, spending two month brushing up his Top Gun skills in the border town of El Centro.
While he will be learning the finer points of flying an Apache attack helicopter, it will be the town’s female population who better watch out for his verbal missiles. Sample: "I’ve got an impressive cockpit." His favourite though is to walk up to a group of young girls and say: "Hellloooo laaaadezzz." It works every time. Or so he thinks.
The 26-year-old third in line to the throne, who once set himself on fire with a flaming Sambuca, will feel right at home in the clubs and bars of this tough border town. Every week at the Owl bar, the favourite hangout for officers from the air base where Captain Windsor is resting his head, they stage mini-skirt Thursdays and high heel Fridays. Heels have to be at least three inches high and the skirts six inches above the knee. So buy that prince a tape measure.
The venue encourages female party-goers to dance on the bar whilst its popular karaoke night could provide the dashing young Prince with yet another opportunity to woo the ladies.
If that fails to work he could try his luck up the road at the aptly named Hard Luck Tavern, famous for its traditional Mexican tequila slammers. Harry, one half of the Booze Brothers, the title he shares with his older brother, has a well-deserved reputation for drinking exploits. He once ruptured a blood vessel in his eye whilst drinking vodka shots.
After he has had his fill of chasing mini-skirts and mojitos, the Prince will hi-tail over to the Air Force Auxiliary Air Field in Gila Bend, Arizona to continue his military education.
Sadly for our ‘good time prince’ he had better get his fix of liquor and ladies in El Centro because there’s not much doing in Gila Bend apart from racing dune buggies. It is here where he will be part of Exercise Crimson Eagle in his role as an attack helicopter pilot where one day soon, he hopes, he will be destined for action in Afghanistan. Until then, watch out, LAADEEZ!