Ryan Dunn: Death of a Jackass

Friends really, don't let "jackasses" drink and drive.

By , Contributor

In his last stunt on this world ever, Jackass cast member Ryan Dunn went out drinking on a Sunday Night that turned into a Monday morning. The stunt supposedly started with three beers and three shots and then ended in a flaming Porsche going close to 140 miles per hour.

When news of the death circulated, film critic Roger Ebert used his deductive reasoning and brutally tweeted, "Friends don't let Jackasses drink and drive." Ooh burn, nice one Mr. Ebert!


How did Ebert come to suspect Dunn of drinking? Maybe it was the pictures Dunn posted online of him and his buddies getting wasted...something that probably seemed pretty fun and silly at the time, but effectively now serves as a suicide note.

Fellow Jackass, Bam Margera, was less than pleased with Ebert's twitter and blasted back. "I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of sh*t roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents, about a jackass drunk driving and his is one, f*ck you! Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat f*cking mouth!"

English is at an all time peak in this country, don't you think?

Jackass fans then attacked Ebert's Facebook page. Explaining, Ebert grasped at semantics and said that he didn't mean to use the word jackass as a pejorative, that he was merely making a Jackass cast shout out. This was insincere of him, because obviously he was doing both.

Ebert, to whom every trip to the bathroom these days could be considered a dangerous stunt, eventually apologized for his "too soon" takedown.

So here are the new rules for idiotic deaths. Say your brother in law dies accidentally after he inserts a firecracker up his ass and lights it. There must be a 48 hour grieving period where nobody rolls their eyes at his epic stupidity. After that anything is fair game.

I'd like to have a brilliant take on this mess, but I realized that my favorite living comedian, Doug Stanhope, had previously had the ultimate take on danger seeking wild men. In a routine about Ricky Williams, Stanhope started to talk about how Dale Earnhardt's fans responded to his death, he said, "Are you a Dale Earnhardt fan? The point is you didn't like Dale Earnhardt. You liked the fact that he would do stupid sh*t on television to give you that slow drip of adrenaline so you didn't have to get off the f*cking couch and actually live. That's what you loved. You didn't love him. If you had loved him ... you would have told him to stop!"

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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