Ah reality TV, it's like the memoir genre of the book world. Based in truth while allowing its followers to remain delusional, continuing to believe there are no creative embellishments added. Innocence is certainly bliss. But, just like memoir, scripted or not, reality TV shows do in fact display real life themes that exist in the world in mass quantity such as low self-esteem, narcissism, love, loss, and of course, filthy rich people complaining - so, why not admit what reality TV really is and use it as a learning opportunity? Case in point, The Bachelorette's Ashley Hebert: the case-study that won't quit.
As I discussed yesterday, Bentley Williams the narcissist gone bad-dad who entered The Bachelorette with delusions of grandeur and an eye for busty blondes, walked away from the show leaving good men disgraced, self-respecting women pissed, and well-parented teens writing letters to ABC. He also left Ashley -- who fell head over heals "in love" for his lying, manipulative ways after a mere two weeks of pretend dating while simultaneously making out with other people -- in a pool of her own adolescent snot and sobbing.
It was like a bad horror movie; the viewers screaming at her to watch out for the man with a knife behind her, as she naively continued to take off all her clothes. I mean really Ash-Ash, I want nothing more than to wrap your sad inner-child up in a pink baby blanket and start all f'ing over.
Ashley commented, through her tear-dripping fake eyelashes, that there's just something about Bentley, she's not sure what it is or how she fell in love so fast. She's just so confused and just doesn't understand how this all happened.
Well, here's how it happened: Ashley grew up not being assured by the primary man in her life, her dad, that she was loved or wanted. Clearly she has yet to work through that pain, so there remains a gaping hole inside of her just waiting to be filled. Unless she does the inner- work required, the male-love she wasn't gifted with in childhood won't actually get replaced with something better, aka a good guy; it will just get plugged-up with the same sh*t. Or, guys like Brad Womack and Bentley Williams.
Even though Ashley was devastated when Bentley left, she knew before he even got there that he was there for the wrong reasons, as his ex-wife made her way through the gossip trail to make sure the information was found out. Ashley knew Bentley didn't want her. She set herself up to be rejected. Her father's actions, sadly, carved a map inside of her, so every time she meets a new man she unconsciously figures out a way to follow the road she knows to a tee, making sure she lands exactly where she always has. Rejected.
Ashley may have reunited and reconnected with her recovering-alcoholic-in-and-out-of-her-life-dad this past year, but she has undoubtedly been scarred by her past. Addiction spreads poison through the veins of entire families and it seems his lack of presence in her life led her, as a little girl, to make one conclusion: she's not wanted.
I truly hope for her sake that her dad is working on himself, maintaining his sobriety and telling her often that he loves her, and I hope that she'll eventually believe him. Until then, Ashley will continue to get herself ready for dates by saying things like, [I want to see if] "I'm someone he could fall in love with," rather than saying, "I wonder if he's someone I could fall in love with." One day she'll figure out that she is worth it, and she is wanted, and she'll stop falling head over heals for men who remind her of home.