The Movie Spew: Jonathan Demme to Meet Stephen King, Human Centipede, Bert and Ernie

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Jonathan Demme To Meet Stephen King On 11/22/63

It’s always exciting to hear that Jonathan Demme has a new film on the way because it just doesn’t happen enough. The director of The Silence Of The Lambs, Something Wild, and Rachel Getting Married is a versatile talent capable of translating his quirky humanist style to seemingly every genre.

Of course, he only ever once dipped into the macabre once, but did it so well that he won an Oscar. Fans have been waiting for Demme to freak out audiences again ever since and fortunately it seems like they might not have to wait much longer. Today it was announced that Demme is planning to write, produce, and direct an adaptation of Stephen King’s new novel 11/22/63.

The book doesn’t even hit shelves until November, but Demme already nabbed the rights for the tale of a 35-year-old high school teacher who travels back in time to try and prevent the Kennedy assassination. It’s a very bizarre story, but Demme is a master of offbeat subject matter (let’s not forget that he was responsible for the remarkable and very odd Melvin And Howard), so it should suit him just fine.

It’s been a long time since Demme made a fiction movie and even longer since there was a decent Stephen King adaptation to look forward to. Two comebacks for the price of one? Sign me up! Unless it’s crap, of course. If that happens, I’ll pretend that I never championed it. But for now, this sounds promising.

For Some Reason Human Centipede Will Soon Be A Trilogy

The one thing that can be said about the delightfully disgusting Human Centipede is that it was the first horror movie to come along in ages that actually terrified and disgusted audiences just through word of mouth before anyone even saw the movie. The ass-to-mouth surgery flick caught the public’s imagination in a big bad way, inspiring everything from t-shirts to amateur musical adaptations.

Human Centipede writer/director Tom Six has definitely capitalized on the surprise success of his sick shocker as well. Human Centipede II is already in the can and can be expected in theaters sometime next year provided that it doesn’t get banned in North America like it did in Britain for featuring such onscreen treats as barbwire sex. Don’t worry sickos, Six ain’t done yet.

Today he revealed plans to create a third Human Centipede movie that he promises will “make the last one look like a Disney film.” I can’t remember any Disney movies that involved Donald’s mouth being sewn to Mickey’s nether region, but I haven’t seen all of the Disney shorts either, so I could be wrong.

The final entry will apparently be shot in America and hopefully Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s schedules are open. If ever there was a Hollywood movie destined to bring the couple back together on the big screen, it’s Human Centipede III. Angelina’s lips were made for… I think you know where I’m going here.

BERT-and-ERNIE not gay.jpg

Bert And Ernie Aren’t Gay, Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

Finally, this last story isn’t directly movie related, but it’s just too entertaining to leave out. Apparently a petition was started recently on demanding that Bert and Ernie finally tie the knot and publicly admit their love to teach young children about tolerance.

Thousands signed on, but Sesame Workshop released a statement saying that Bert And Ernie are definitely not gay. The Sesame rep dismissed the life-partner claims saying that they are just puppets and therefore have no sexual orientation. Nope they are just two straight dudes who sleep in the same room, share baths, spend all of their time together, never show any interest in girls, and let grown men stick their arms up their asses on a daily basis. You know, just like any average straight guy.

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Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…

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