Rock Hall Drug Test - Would Great Rock Exist Without Drugs?

Drugs: they do a rocker good.

By , Contributor
Bill Hicks: "You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were real f*cking high on drugs. The Beatles were so f*cking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."

Mitch Hedberg
: "I had a small scene in a movie with Peter Frampton. And we had to smoke pot for our scene - but it was fake pot! Do not buy pot on a movie set! But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton, that's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton... I've done that way more."

A week or so ago, Sports Illustrated published an interview of Bob Costas with Dan Patrick where Costas examined which baseball players he would or would not vote for in Hall of Fame balloting based on their illegal drug use (steroids).

Now, I live in Cleveland, the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Can you imagine how dreary that place would be if they kicked out all the illegal drug users? Michael Bolton and Kenny G would become first ballot Hall of Famers and actually I'm not even sure about those two guys. The entire museum might have to be a tribute to John Denver (who is actually the one who defeated the PMRC, not Frank Zappa or Dee Snider).

The rockers not only risked their health by using drugs for a competitive advantage, a lot of them actually died from them! Even worse, a lot of them enjoyed them! Right off the bat you have the initial inductee: Elvis Presley. Elvis wouldn't have considered himself a drug addict, but then again neither did Rush Limbaugh. Although mostly a user of prescription drugs, even Elvis dropped acid at least once.

Then what do you do with the Beatles? Are the Beatles in only for their early music when they were just on tons of amphetamines or do you allow the marijuana use? If you allow the marijuana use, do you allow the LSD? Don't even tell your kids that John Lennon had a heroin problem for a while!

Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Beach Boys (actually Mike Love might qualify alone, but wow would that ever be a drag), The Who, The Velvet Underground, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, Marvin Gaye, David Ruffin, Nirvana, Frankie Lyman, Queen, Ray Charles, James Brown, Sly Stone ... getting the picture? This would be a pretty lame museum!

They'd have to take down that entire wing devoted to Keith Richards! (Keith Richards! That's who they should have gotten to replace Charlie Sheen!)

Please send in your top Rock and Roll Hall of Famers that were abstinent, because I can't think of many off the top of my head. Maybe Jerry Lee Lewis would come close because he mostly just drank - but he married his 13 year old cousin and is probably the craziest, most dangerous guy in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Jerry Lee Lewis is the Ty Cobb of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

Buddy Holly? Maybe Saint Buddy, because I don't think he was out of high school long enough to get into any real trouble, but then again you never know.

"Behind the plane that John Denver was flying when he died, you'll find our Barry Manilow atrium!"

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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