Why Paul McCartney's Kids Are Ready to Accept His Future Wife

I've seen some doozies, but in November of 2007 I read about the most public (and stylish) 'my dad's wife is a bitch' confession that I've ever heard. Paul McCartney's fashion designer daughter and overall babe, Stella McCartney, designed a necklace featuring a single leg, reportedly a dig on her father's then almost official ex-wife Heather Mills, who is an amputee.

Wowza, queue the claws.

Soon after that Mills was telling anyone who would listen her story about how Paul's daughter dearest, along with his other children who thought she was a money-sucking-whore-and-never-wanted-him-to-walk-down-the-aisle-in-the-first-place, was a big part of the reason for their 2008 divorce - a claim I'm sure Stella and her siblings would proudly admit if it were true.

But now daddy McCartney is getting married again, this time to his girlfriend of four years, 51-year-old New York business woman, Nancy Shevell. The question is, will Shevell suffer the same fate and/or designer jewelry-inspired hatred at the hands of Paul's protective and loving children that Mills did? The answer: Nope. Stella is reportedly...thrilled for her dad.

So what gives? Is it just as clear-cut as Heather was a bitch and Nancy is a sweetheart? Maybe. Though I suspect it's not that simple. Because it's never that simple. Hating a parent's fiancée or partner is rarely about hating a particular person. It's much more about hating what they represent. Really? Yeah, really.

The thing is, Paul McCartney met and began dating Heather Mills in 1999, just one year after his wife and mother of his children, Linda, died of breast cancer. For Sir Paul, I imagine meeting someone new represented both his needing and wanting to move forward with his life and find love again - either because he was in fact ready (highly doubtful), or because the pain of losing the love of his life was just too raw and intense and having a new person around, as either a distraction or just a companion, was just what the doctor ordered. Either way, Paul invited Mills into his life for a reason. She represented something for him.

But for his kids, and for so many kids who lose their parents' marriage either through death or divorce, that new person represents something very different. They represent the very painful truth that things are in fact over. A parent is actually gone. The divorce really happened. It's real. And now there is an actual physical human being in their living room to prove it.

No matter how fantabulous the new partner is, they become a mascot who chants one thing - there's no going back to the way it was. And for some kids, the noise is just too loud.

It's not part of our human condition to hate someone for no reason. Either they have to do something that merits our feelings, or they have to represent something inside of us that we would rather not be reminded of. That's just how it works.

So here's the deal. Sometimes parents don't need a minute, or maybe they just don't want a minute. Sometimes they just know how shitty their marriage was and they can't wait to fall in love for real. Or, the loss is so painful that they just need to fill the space...stat. But children, whether they be young or old, need a minute. They always need a minute.

They don't hate your new spouse (unless they really are an ass, in which case, bummer deal for you), they hate what the spouse represents - the end of something that they might have not wanted to end, and the beginning of something they're not sure they want to begin.

So, why is Stella so thrilled about Nancy then? Well, because she's had time. She's had time to mourn her mom passing away. She's had time to embrace the many chapters past and look forward to the many chapters to come. She's had time to get grounded and put both her mom and her parents' marriage into a gorgeous and uniquely carved out space in her heart. She's had time to breathe.

I'm not saying that Stella didn't have a sixth sense that Heather Mills was a money-sucking leech. Maybe she was that. And maybe Stella also knows that Nancy is simply a better fit for her dad. But either way, she's had time to come to a place where she's able to see that sometimes love just represents love...and so has Paul.

Cheers to you, Sir Paul. Maybe love isn't all you need, but it sure is everything that you deserve.

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