A Sinning Pervert Joins Tribe Upolu on Survivor: South Pacific

By , Contributor

I don’t know who this Russell Hantz character is in that, as I’ve said in my first post on this series, this is my first time watching Survivor because of a bug-eating aversion I have. Another Morton Report writer posted about this series’ addiction to Russell Hantz so check that out for more detail. I am only now dealing with Russell Hantz and, as it would turn out, his extended family, because it seems that a Hantz relative has a lust problem this season on Survivor: South Pacific.

Upolu tribe member Brandon revealed to the viewers early on that he was a nephew of Russell Hantz, a factoid that was supposed to mean something of great import to Survivor viewers but which meant nothing to me.

Right from the start, however, drama surrounds this Brandon fellow who did eventually reveal his relationship to Russell Hantz to my all time favorite handsome competitive reality TV contender, Coach. Coach had once been a contender on Survivor as well, along with Savai tribe member, Ozzy.


Coach held a real grudge against his Upolu teammate Christine. Christine made a snide wisecrack when informed that Coach would be returning to Survivor this season, to the effect that Coach would only be around “temporarily.” Seems Coach took umbrage at those words and since the Savai tribe won this past week’s challenge, the Upolu tribe had to kick a member off to Redemption Island.

I’m not sure how Redemption Island works except that there are now two females residing there. At some point there will be a duel of sorts between the two, after which the winner will continue on and the loser will then go home. Christine of the Upolu tribe and Semhar of the Savai tribe should be competing for a return to Survivor soon and then I will better understand how this all comes together.

There’s also some kind of idol doll, discovered by Ozzy this past episode. The idol gives immunity from elimination to the owner of the icon. Survivor viewers know that Ozzy has this thing and can use it anytime. The other contenders on Survivor do not know that Ozzy has the idol and this is an advantage of some kind I must assume.

I regard all this action solemnly as I am charged with reporting it all to The Morton Report readers and I take my calling seriously. I also watch the melodrama of Brandon and Mikayla and I try to stifle my snark.

Mikayla is a beautiful young woman, indeed, with very bouncy boobs that are given clear view upon our television screens as she competes in the challenges that do, as yon reader no doubt understands, require much boob bouncing. In fact Mikayla’s profession is-snort-listed as “lingerie football player”. Heh. What the hell is that? Women playing football in lingerie? Where does this happen? Is there a league? Whatever it is, I imagine that playing football in lingerie requires much boob bouncing too, so who can blame poor lust-filled Brandon, nephew of Russell Hantz, for his lament that Mikayla must go, that she tempts the weak male of the species with her beautiful bod?

Mikayla is, as Brandon can’t quite grasp, very physically fit, ahem, and the sort of teammate a tribe would want on their side. While Christine dared to utter some snark about Coach and for that she should be punished and by me this is only fair.


Thus we have Brandon lying about other Upolu teammates wanting to rid the world of Mikayla as Brandon does not want to lapse into his past sins for his weakness of the flesh. At least this is Brandon’s explanation and he assumes that Mikayla would fall for his extreme handsomeness and charm, quite a big assumption in that Brandon’s of average looks at best.

In the end snarky Christine was banished to Redemption Island. How dare she cast aspersions on the handsome coach?

As for Brandon and his secret relationship to this Russell Hantz fellow, he didn’t manage to arrange the removal of his lust object Mikayla, so the male Survival viewers across the fruited plains will be treated to more bouncy boobs.

I am enjoying this series so far and am happy that I tuned in. It’s a competition about fitness as much as anything and the viewers do have some empathy for the contenders denied even a pillow to sleep on, forced to eat coconuts if they have even that.

The drama of the sinning Brandon and the tease Mikayla is interesting. I see some scripting going on but so far it’s believable, interesting, and x-rated enough to intrigue.

Below a video titled "Meet Brandon," for a smile.

Survivor: South Pacific airs on CBS, Wednesday nights, at 8p/7c.

If you've got an insight to share, email me: pat.fish@themortonreport.com.

Check in every day for new columns and updates.

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Pat Fish has been a blogger for almost ten years. She has been published numerous times in the Chicken Soup for the Soul and Cup of Comfort book series and wrote for Blogcritics. She has written a few books and vows to write till death does part her from the keyboard. Pat loves to write about current…

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