The Movie Spew: See Tom Hanks' Son Chet Croon For Some Reason

One thing remains constant: famous people's kids will embarrass their parents (and themselves).

By , Columnist

So, it’s a bit of a slow news day on the film front, but the good news is that the children of celebrities can always be counted on to embarrass themselves and spice up a news feed.

In case you haven’t heard, Tom Hanks’ son has christened himself Chet Haze and launched a hip-hop career. As you’d imagine, that’s lead to a great deal of Internet hate, but like all delusional narcissists, Chet is unfazed by criticism. Today he’s released a humiliating music video for his new, painfully white, hip-hop ballad “Hollywood.”

The song and video present Haze as a photographer who spots a beautiful model, shoots her, woos her with promises of fame, and then bangs her in a room surrounded by white curtains like Tommy Wiseau. The most amazing thing about the video is the complete lack of irony. Chet Haze is not only sincere about absurd lyrics like “you’re rockin’ items most chicks can’t afford,” but somehow seems to genuinely believe that listeners will be moved by his materialistic show business fantasy. Who would have ever predicted that a kid raised by a movie star could lose touch with reality?


The saddest thing about the whole Chet Haze saga is that his father even beat him to the rap game. Check out Tom Hanks’ sweet single from back in the day:


A Disappointing But Decent Director Picked for The Twilight Zone

Not that long ago Warner Brothers released a list of directors that they were considering for their new Twilight Zone that put forward impressive names like Alfonso Cuaron (Children Of Men) and Christopher Nolan (Dark Knight, duh!). Movie fans drooled at the possibility of Rod Serling’s classic morality horror series being handed over to a big name auteur, but alas it was all a tease. A director has been hired for the project and it’s Matt Reeves. In case you’re unfamiliar with the name, Reeves is the man behind the shaky-cam monster movie Cloverfield and the surprisingly strong vampire remake Let Me In.

twilightzone2.gif So while Reeves doesn’t quite have the same Oscar-nominated fame as the other guys considered for the job, he does have a strong background in high-concept intelligent horror, which is a must for this project. The movie will ditch the anthology format of the last Twilight Zone movie in favor of a single narrative. There’s no word yet on what that narrative will be. Apparently it somehow touches on the themes of Serling’s series.

I’ll watch anything with Twilight Zone on the poster, but hopefully this project manages to capture the magic of the series and give nods back to classic episodes. This film isn’t just another franchise reboot. It’s a continuation of one of America’s great supernatural franchises and hopefully Reeves will give the brand name the respect it deserves.

The 3D Great Gatsby to Open On Christmas, 2012/Ruin the Holiday Season

In case you haven’t heard, the talented director Baz Luhrmann (whose films like Moulin Rouge and Romeo + Juliet can only be described as flamboyant) has decided to direct a film adaptation of The Great Gatsby for some reason. Given that even Francis Ford Coppola couldn’t even crank out a decent Gatsby screenplay in the '70s, you’d think people would have realized that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel just wasn’t meant to be a movie.

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But nope, Baz Luhrmann has decided his ludicrously over-the-top style is exactly what the story needs and is currently hard at work on his 3D (yep, you read that right) Great Gatsby movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan. You’ll be able to see the crap-tacular movie on Christmas Day, 2012.

That’s right, Warner Brothers has decided to ruin the holidays of countless families with a film that’s sure to gain the reputation of being one of the most notorious Hollywood failures immediately after it opens. Looks like there will be more than one turkey to look forward to next Christmas (zing!).

Footloose, The Thing, and The Big Year All Bomb on the Same Weekend

Yes! Are general audiences getting smarter? God, I hope so.

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