The Movie Spew: The Rock Goes Biblical, Blues Brothers TV, Leave Star Wars Alone!

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The Rock Might Play Goliath (Yep, as in David And Goliath!)

In a piece of casting news sure to make the heads of possessed little girls spin, it appears that The Rock will be bringing his people’s eyebrow to the world of biblical adventures.

Dwayne Johnson/The Rock is currently in discussions to play Goliath in a new film by The Exorcism Of Emily Rose director Scott Derrickson (which if you’ve seen it, you’ll know was one of the more pro-Christian movies of the 2000s). The film is being put together by a few Twilight producers, so expect one of those moping bloodsuckers to pop up as David.

The Rock certainly has the right physical build to play Goliath, but I’m a little concerned about the sheer volume of biblical movies working their way through the studio system these days (ex: Darren Aronofsky is working on a Noah’s Arc tale, Mark Burnett is doing the Bible for History Channel).

It could very well be a sign of the impending 2012 apocalypse. I would love to see a gigantic version of The Rock pillage a small desert community. I’m not sure if seeing that would be worth the end of the world or not. It’s a toss up.


Dan Aykroyd Inexplicably Wants To Make a Blues Brothers TV Series

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No content to only ruin the Ghostbusters legacy with an unnecessary sequel, Dan Aykroyd also revealed plans today to spoil The Blues Brothers for everyone. It’s kind of miraculous that the original Blues Brothers movie is still beloved at all after Blues Brothers 2000 and Aykroyd’s incessant revival touring, but the original films and albums are just that good.

Danny boy’s latest attempt to bring back his singing siblings will be a TV series, and he is currently shopping around a pilot script written by himself, SNL-vet Anne Beatts, Wayne Catania, and Kieron Lafferty.

The plot will see the brothers get released from jail and head out on a quest to find Elwood’s brother. New actors will take on the iconic roles, with Aykroyd now voicing their parole officer.

Apparently Aykroyd and John Belushi’s widow Judy hung on to the TV rights for the characters for years with Judy Belushi recently claiming, “I think these are great American characters. We want to keep them alive. We chose to introduce them as new characters but do it in an way that they have some history, have some life behind them."

On the plus side there’s no way this could possibly be worse than Blues Brothers 2000. But on the other hand, there’s no way it could even come close to the original. Hopefully the show doesn’t get picked up and we’ll never have to worry about it.

 

George Lucas Tinkers With The Star Wars Movies Again

cgiyoda.gif In a few short weeks, the Star Wars movies will be released on Blu-Ray to the thunderous applause of fans with HD TVs set up in their parents’ basements. The only problem is that George Lucas is up to his old tricks again and has tinkered with the movies, much to the inevitable chagrin of fans.

Lucas replaced the puppet Yoda in the Phantom Menace with a CGI version for no apparent reason, but even more irritating are his useless changes to the original film trilogy. A few videos have leaked that could very well be fan-made viral videos, but seem frighteningly real.

For some reason Ben Kenobi’s scream at the Tuskin Raiders has changed and even more irritatingly, Darth Vader now screams “NOOOOO!” while killing the Emperor (thereby providing a call back to one of the most loathed moments of the prequels).

It’s bad enough that the guy refuses to let fans see the original versions of his movies anymore, but does he really have to lather anymore CGI shit onto of his fans’ beloved childhood memories. Something just isn’t right in that man’s mind. Here are some clips of changes below. Prepare to get angry. 

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Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…

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