TMR Resident Mental Health Guru Brooke Miller answers your emotional heath and relationship questions! It's kinda like Dear Abby went to graduate school, poured herself in a pair of ass-fabulous jeans, and started switching off between reading People Magazine and Psychology Today.
Send your questions to Brooke.Miller@themortonreport.com and check back for her weekly therapeutic smack-down. Here's a taste...
I've been off and on with my boyfriend for what seems like forever. I don't know if I love him or not, I think I do--but it just feels like I can't live without him. Whenever we break up and one of us starts dating someone else, the jealousy fights are totally overwhelming. If I see him with someone else it's like I can't breathe, but if I'm with someone else I'm totally fine! I can't figure out what's going on!!! Any ideas?
-Mere, 31, Los Angeles
Who are you, Sammi from the Jersey Shore? Listen gorgeous, it's time to lay off the sauce and get it together. Yes, I have an idea of what's going on: This isn't love, it's an addiction AKA a co-dependent relationship. The thing you love most about your relationship is that there's another person in it, and that's a problem.
In co-dependent relationships the relationship defines you. So in your case, when your boyfriend wants to be with someone else, your entire identity falls apart at the seams. You deserve better, so consider treating yourself with a little respect and expanding your definition of who you are rather than depending on another person to color you in.
There's no such thing as someone else completing you. Sorry sweets, but it's true. Jerry McGuire was a phenomenal movie, but in real life Tom Cruise is a mentally unstable Scientologist and Renee Zellweger has an ex who is screwing everything that walks while she continues to look as though she's consistently sucking on a fresh sour patch kid.
Stop behaving like Sammi and enough with living in movie-land. It's time for you to be in a healthy relationship ruled by love rather than necessity.