Ask Calorie Ken: Preposterous Posterior

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Dear Calorie Ken, Is there a magic cure for a preposterous posterior?

Dawn in Ohio

Dear Dawn,

Calorie Ken loves Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and is particularly fond of this exchange between waitress, Simone, and Pee Wee as they sit in a dinosaur after Pee Wee washes dishes to pay for his dinner at the Wheel Inn truck stop and watch the sun rise:

Simone:  "I know you're right, Pee-wee, but..."

Pee Wee:  "But what? Everyone I know has a big 'But...' C'mon, Simone, let's talk about your big 'But.'"

Calorie Ken is traveling this week, and he has seen a lot of preposterous posteriors - a lot of big butts.  I expect each one of them has a story that begins something like this: "I'd like to get rid of my big butt, but, I'll just have another bite of...."

I was sitting in a window booth at Denny's in Cortez, Colorado this morning, and I had a nice view of the parking lot and watched people of all ages plop their preposterous posteriors out of their SUVs and waddle into the restaurant for a meal they clearly didn't need. Inside, I looked around and saw many preposterous posteriors as well as many sufferers of Dunlap's Disease. 

OK.  Yes, I was at Denny's too, and yes, I had a Grand Slam breakfast of two eggs, SIX pieces of bacon (cooked bacon is only 35 calories per slice by the way), about a half a cup of hash browns, one and a half pieces of wheat toast with butter, and a few bites of my traveling companion's whole wheat pancakes and grits.

Including the three cups of coffee with sugar and cream, I figure my breakfast was right at 1000 calories.  BUT, before I ate, I jogged three miles.  BUT, the day before, I did a full day tour of the Ancestral Pueblo ruins at the Ute Mountain Ute Tribal Park that included significant hiking, a climb up a 30-foot ladder, and a walk along a 2-foot-wide ledge with a sheer drop into oblivion that made me glad I had life insurance. BUT, the three mornings before, I had Chobani Greek yogurt, Fiber One cereal, and a Chiquita banana along with two cups of coffee with cream and sugar for breakfast, and that is what I will have tomorrow and the next day.

Calorie Ken likes Denny's, but like many good things, it needs to be enjoyed with moderation.  Fueling our bodies well is not about sacrifice. It is about planning and about being proactive in satisfying and satiating ourselves. Dawn, when we make our big buts a Pee Wee-positive statement of purpose and not an excuse, that big butt -- that preposterous posterior -- will melt away... like magic.


Swanky reader, Calorie Ken wants to hear from you!  Post your comments below, and send your questions to  And, tell others!  Post on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn...everywhere, and share with your e-mail distribution lists. We hope to make Calorie Ken the Dear Abby of good health and nutrition, and we need your help.  Cheers! 

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For two years, Ken Brooks (Calorie Ken) was a volunteer in the Tufts University CALERIE Study. He is now a nutrition evangelist. Send your nutrition, weight management, general health and exercise questions to

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