We each have our very own pain management techniques too. The older we get, the bigger the arsenal of anti-sadness weapons.
I have been doing the full court press on recovering from my recent breakup because I have a nasty habit of going years between relationships. I decided I’m not going to wait eons for love to come in again, and I definitely don’t want to drag my past into my future.
One healing tool that I have used many times is writing letters. Mostly I have burnt the letters after I got all the thoughts and feelings out. In this case, I realized that I actually needed to send my letter so that he knew what I knew, and so that he was aware that his actions affected people. I needed to send this letter to be heard.
We all know we want to be loved, but part of being truly loved is being seen, heard, and acknowledged. We don’t have to agree with each other to feel love, we just need to be heard. If we get validated or forgiven on top of being heard, that’s just icing on the love cake. That is the magic elixir of life.
In this case I needed to wait until I got to a place where I did not care what his response was. I just needed the words to be read. So, I drove the letter (yes, a real honest-to-God letter on paper) to the post office with little attachment to the response. I felt exhilaration the minute it dropped in the box. In that action I felt seen, heard and acknowledged - by me.
I was shocked when I received a response several days later filled largely with acknowledgment, and most impressively, with an admission that anger was justified. I definitely felt heard. But, my true victory was in just saying my piece.
Sometimes when we are healing we take a couple steps forward and then a few steps back. I have certainly taken my share of backwards steps. But, I took one giant step for my womankind by speaking my truth. Since I sent the letter, a palpable shift has occurred in my head and heart. I feel like I have gone to the moon and back in my recovery. I feel lighter, unburdened, and free.
I have a blind date on Saturday. Good timing: it’s the new moon.