"Match Fatigue" Syndrome

Online dating crippling singles around the world

By , Columnist

I am dipping into the dating world again. I gave myself seven months to get my head back on straight after I found out my boyfriend of two years was a consummate and comprehensive liar. That’s not to say I wasn’t “looking” up to now. I had my eyes open for miracles.

I don’t seem to get real life dating miracles. I literally never get hit on in the real world. I flirt with guys too. I must be extremely odd and awkward about it. Perhaps my face contorts and I stick out my stomach involuntarily, or have a nervous flirt twitch. I confess I am a bit of a goofball. But, if they don’t like my flirting they probably won’t like me, right?

My friend who was just with me on a business trip said men look at me all the time. I actually see it sometimes, and I smile back if I’m interested. But, I don’t get asked out. My friend always gets hit on.

Your question: is she drop dead gorgeous? No. Is she more attractive than me? No. Is she overweight even? Yes. Is she friendlier, more outgoing than I am? Absolutely not. Clearly, I’m doing something wrong.

In the meantime, I’m on Match, not because it is the best, but because the one I think has the best crop was where I met my last boyfriend, and now I think everyone on it has a truth situation. Is that true? Of course not, but who cares? Also, the old site is a community where my current age would probably drop me into a disastrous untouchable realm where I wouldn’t even be seen. So, probably best to just sit tight on Match.

But, it’s exhausting. Tonight I saw a profile open with “Match fatigue.” I relate.

Match fatigue starts in the eyes with the endless reading of nonsense, searching for the deal breakers like confessions of immaturity, Peter Pan syndrome, drinking to blackout, trying to quit smoking, “hunting and Harleys are my life,” still not over the ex, or the very popular “I don’t make a lot of money and if you are so superficial as to make that a priority, move on!” Gladly!

Am I going for 38-year-old hunks who are out of my league? No. Frankly, I did actually have one 38-year-old hunk email me, but he actually seemed young in terms of life experience. So, I passed. I do have men in their 20s and early 30s email me, clearly looking for a desperate cougar. I simply reply to them with “What about me being the age of your mother makes this seem like a good match? Now, go have a glass of warm milk and go to bed, dearie.” Do I really send responses like that? No. I’m not that brave.

The truth I’d like to shout to the Match hills: “For God’s sake, stop dying your hair!” If over 50, I think all men lie about their age, and think they look far younger than their age. Most men look their age, even if they are prematurely gray. The skin tells it all. But dyed hair on a man over 50 is the equivalent of their balancing a red Ferrari on their head: “I will not age. I am young. I can totally get a 30 year old hottie. I will not age. I will not age. I will not age.”

I admit I think I look a little tiny bit younger than my age only because I hardly have any wrinkles on my face, but damn my neck. Luckily the neck doesn’t come out crystal clear in profile photos.

Plus, people are fatigued, so they don’t see as clearly. Right?

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Bridget Fonger is the co-author of “The Lazy Woman’s Guide to Just About Everything,” a book that helps women become happier, more passionate and fulfilled by living the “Lazy Way,” aka with less stress and more joy! Ms. Fonger has been featured on HGTV several times with her home décor and…

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