"What the Hell Happened to Your Face?"

Don’t choose plastic at the aging checkout counter!

By , Columnist

I recently got a phone call I had been dreading. A girlfriend called from her dermatologist’s office, and whispered desperately as if huddled in a war zone, “Should I get Botox?” Somehow a routine mole removal meandered into a discussion of these now common injections. My immediate response was absolutely truthful. "Oh my God, you look fantastic! You don’t need Botox!" She admitted she was experiencing heart palpitations and sweaty palms, and decided against it - for now.

Selfishly, I pray she doesn’t do it. First, if everyone around me starts fooling around with nature’s course, I’ll look like a freak. Second, I don’t want to be caught thinking, “What the hell happened to your face?” and have to lie. What did Nicole Kidman’s best friends say to her after she ruined her perfectly stunning face at a far too early age? What did Meg Ryan’s friends say when she became a plasticized remnant of her previously adorable self?

Last night I went to a 50th birthday party and was delighted to see that the room was filled with natural beauties, one of whom was the divine Christie Mellor whose most recent book You Look Fine, Really helps women navigate aging with grace and humor.

Mellor performed a stunning impression of a friend who had recently had plastic surgery. At their first post-surgery meeting, the woman mustered all the facial expression she could to desperately seek Christie’s approval. Without uttering any of this, Christie heard, loud and clear, the internal mutterings of her friend: “I got my face done. Can you tell? Does it look okay? Do I look great? Please tell me I look great. I look great, right?”

Can’t we all just get along with our aging? I swear the people who fight it the least are the ones who look the best. Christie is a couple years older than me and looks younger. She exudes beauty, joy, humor, and comfort in her own skin, whatever its age.

While lamenting the modern woman’s demise in the face of aging with Christie, albeit after a strong pomegranate margarita, I came up with the perfect solution for my confessed Achilles heel, my neck. I’m calling it the “Chick Soul Patch.” It’s a little beard installed just under the chin and worn as long as one wishes, adorned with jewels, ribbon, feathers, etc. It would obscure the very worst of the thin, waddle skin.

It’s a “soul patch” because it’s like we women have little holes in our souls around aging. Thank God for authors like Christie who are out in the world protesting, “Don’t do it!”

Mellor is definitely a Lazy Woman, in her own way preaching for less stress and more joy. Her bestseller, The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, as the title implies, gives moms the freedom to parent and have fun. Read all of her books. You will be better for it, and less stressed about your neck, or whatever bugs you. And, you will laugh very hard.

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Bridget Fonger is the co-author of “The Lazy Woman’s Guide to Just About Everything,” a book that helps women become happier, more passionate and fulfilled by living the “Lazy Way,” aka with less stress and more joy! Ms. Fonger has been featured on HGTV several times with her home décor and…

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