The government has never been fully capable of squelching
all zombie reports, dating back to the 1949 zombie outbreak in the Midwestern United States. A leaked zombie capture in July 2010 brought the impending pandemic into light when a car
full of "people dressed as zombies,” later confirmed to be actual zombies, crashed
near downtown Portland. The detained undead were taken to the hospital for head
removal, but a few escaped on foot and are now quickly making their way across
our highways and byways.
On July 12 in Danville, Vermont, commuters were warned
of “Raging zombies 1 mile.” On July 10, a road sign on Highway 1 in San
Francisco read, "Zombies Plundering SF." In late June, near St. John's Bay in Newfoundland, signs declared, "Zombie Invasion! Run!"
and "Save
Yourselves! Flee!!!" And, a road sign along a northern Kentucky interstate warned motorists of "Nightly lane
closures, zombies ahead."
Sightings of the quickly multiplying brain eaters have been
also reported in Florida, North Carolina, Illinois, Maryland, Pennsylvania,
Texas, and probably in many other states.
These reports all have one thing in common: Government-controlled news agencies
are blaming hackers for spreading the method for manipulating road
sign control boxes. However, we informed citizens know the truth and can refer to the world’s #1 reliable news source closing its doors after 168-years of conspiracy involvement as a prime example.
The Center for Disease Control released a Preparedness
101: Zombie Apocalypse report in May, played off as an
attention-grabbing approach to flood or earthquake emergencies, but it is
mostly useless when it comes to warding off zombies. To
best prepare we must familiarize ourselves with zombie behavior. I recommend
consulting the "rules" in Zombieland, a 2009 documentary that follows the creator of Facebook on a road trip after a zombie apocalypse. Also remember that zombies have evolved from the
slow-moving creatures George Romero tried to warn us about in Night
of the Living Dead. They are now
faster and smarter as portrayed in so-called “fictional” films like the 28
Days series and Dawn of the Dead.
If you are preparing to pack a years' worth of quality time
into one week of travel with those you are obligated to spend time with, don’t
let zombie threats deter you from having fun. Just remember to be
prepared, travel light, check the backseat, and always double-tap.
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