Cameron vs. Hawking: Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

By , Contributor

The history of the world is filled with people who argued until they were blue in the face about the concept of God and Heaven, but perhaps we've never seen a showdown of pure intellect quite like this week's top celebrity feud. In one corner we have the estimable theoretical physicist and cosmologist, Stephen Hawking. In the other, fresh off his rough and ready rumble with Charles Darwin, ladies and gentlemen, welcome your friend and mine, the star of Growing Pains, Mr. Kirk Cameron.

Hawking: There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers. That is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

Now, by broken-down computers Hawking was referring to the human brain.

Cameron responded thusly: "To say anything negative about Stephen Hawking is like bullying a blind man. He has an unfair disadvantage, and that gives him a free pass on some of his absurd ideas."

Good start, Kirk. You don't want to be cocky about the fact that you can walk.

"Professor Hawking is heralded as 'the genius of Britain,' yet he believes in the scientific impossibility that nothing created everything and that life sprang from non-life."

Is it too late to book these two for the college lecture circuit or at least Late Night with Jimmy Fallon?

You see, I want to be fair to those who believe in faith, but I never see any infomercials with Søren Kierkegaard in them; it's always creepy dudes with big teeth like Joel Osteen or past their prime sit-com has-beens like Kirk hanging with the Duggar clan, you know that family that continues to believe that childbirth is a miracle even though it happens to them once or twice ever year.

If God blessed us all with the capability to think and the intellect to reason, how come everyone who believes in him is hanging out at Creationist museums where they have statues of dinosaurs wearing saddles? I mean if God really wants me to believe in him, would he choose "Mike Seaver" as his mouthpiece. I'm not sure that I want to believe in someone that makes me choose Kirk Cameron over Stephen Hawking.

I wonder how Hawking took this news. "Stephen, the scientific community loves your work, but we just can't convince some of the cast of Growing Pains. No, Stephen, not Leo. Leonardo DiCaprio thinks you're a genius, but he was barely on that show and he's too busy trying to replace Bar Rafaeli right now to make a statement. Yes, Stephen, I'll alert you the second Alan Thicke or Tracey Gold return our calls."

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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