Put Ashton Kutcher in Everything!

There is no boo boo in Hollywood that an Ashton Kutcher bandaid can't fix!

By , Contributor

Have a tired but profitable entertainment franchise with a problematic star? No problem, because Hollywood has got your problem all solved. Put Ashton Kutcher in it! No, you’re not being Punk’d, seriously he has 99.8% of the English speaking public following him on Twitter: put Ashton Kutcher in everything.

First CBS replaced problematic porn freak Charlie Sheen with Ashton for the series Two and a Half Men, and now Dan Aykroyd and Ivan Reitman, in the face of continuing disinterest from Bill Murray, seem willing to do the same thing to finally get Ghostbusters 3 off the ground.

When can Ashton be available to play Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop IV? Remember how awesome he was in the Sidney Poitier part of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Ashton-Kutcher-and-Demi-Moore.jpgYou really have to hand it to Ashton. He wasn’t daunted by the prospect of following Bruce Willis into Demi Moore, so why would he be worried about replacing Bill Murray, who despite his age is still my nominee for funniest man on the planet.

What else could we put the King of Twitter in?

Apocalypse Now 2 - If you thought Charlie was a hassle, wait until father Martin starts bitching about reprising the role that gave him his first heart attack.

Rambo 7 - why should Ashton limit himself to destroying Hollywood franchises when he could be laying waste to Southeast Asia?

Ashton Kutcher female.jpgSex and the City 3 - You know that they all hate working with Kim Cattrall. Couldn’t Ashton just play Samantha?

M*A*S*H 3D - It’s not too late to milk the Korean War for some prime hilarity is it? After all that war did last, what, two or three years?

Hannah Montana 2 - Ashton plays a young female country singer who dons a mullet wig to fit in with the regular town folk.

Help Hollywood out Morton Report readers? What the hell else can we put Ashton in?

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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