Ask Calorie Ken - Adventure Time

There is no right or wrong. There is only smart and stylish.

By , Columnist
"Let's go on an adventure." So said the talking Tommy Pickles doll I kept in my office during the late '90s and early '00s. Tommy was the fearless leader of Nickelodeon's Nicktoon, Rugrats. With his spirit for adventure and the screwdriver he kept hidden in his diaper, he led Phil, Lil, Chuckie, Angelica, Baby Dil and the rest of us on numerous adventures through the years.

Hi. I'm Ken - Calorie Ken - and today, we begin a new adventure. Our tagline here at The Morton Report is "Where pop culture meets the swanky life."  Among other things, "swanky" means smart and stylish, and usually applies to clothes, fashion accessories, and fast cars - anything flashy and shiny.  But, how about being swanky - smart and stylish - about our food and drink choices? Why not be swanky on the inside too?

Few of us are rich or famous, or look like Calvin Klein or Victoria's Secret models, but, who cares? We can dream. And while we are dreaming, we can live our personal version of the swanky life by being the best that we can be, and that starts on the inside. Some of us were born to be skinny, some fluffy, and others somewhere in between. Regardless of what body type we have, I think being swanky can be about fueling our bodies well.

So, ponder this Calorie Ken Top 10 list as we begin our swanky-on-the-inside-journey:

1. Calories. You either burn them or store them as fat. If we were playing chess, the calorie would be the queen, for SHE, not the king, owns the board. 

2. Diet is a dirty word.

3. There is no high protein and low carb, or low protein and high carb, or any combination of protein, carb and fat that includes the words "low" or "high."  There is only macro-nutritional balance.

4. Sometimes the choice is not "good" or "bad," but "better."

5. There is no yesterday. There is only today and tomorrow.

6. There is no black or white. There are only subtle shades of gray.

7. As Sister Hazel wisely advises, "If you want to be somebody else, change your mind." Real change comes from within and is holistic and includes the body, mind, and soul.

8. Love yourself. Look in the mirror right now, and say, "I love you." Go ahead. Do it.

9. There is no right or wrong. There is only smart and stylish.

10. See #1 and repeat.

Tomorrow, we will address Marcie in North Carolina's question:

"Dear Calorie Ken, Can you wire my mouth shut for me?" 

Then, the day after, we will answer Nancy in Tennessee's question: "Dear Calorie Ken, Can you magically find the remedy for the tubby tummy?"

And, then, we will see what we can do with Jenna in Massachusetts's question: "Dear Calorie Ken, Will you be posting any of your delicious recipes?"

After that... well, we'll see what happens.

So, let's go on an adventure.  Let's change our worlds, one calorie at a time.



Swanky reader, Calorie Ken wants to hear from you!  Post your comments below, and send your questions to  And, tell others!  Post on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn...everywhere, and share with your e-mail distribution lists. We hope to make Calorie Ken the Dear Abby of good health and nutrition, and we need your help.  Cheers! 

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For two years, Ken Brooks (Calorie Ken) was a volunteer in the Tufts University CALERIE Study. He is now a nutrition evangelist. Send your nutrition, weight management, general health and exercise questions to

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