The Movie Spew: John Travolta Finally Revealed to Be a Time Traveler

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John Travolta: Time Traveler

About a week back, a photo from the 1870s popped up on eBay that looked suspiciously like Nicolas Cage. The seller claimed the photo proved that Cage was a vampire and listed an asking of $1 million. The picture soon disappeared, but today a new suspicious photo has popped up on eBay.

The new photo is from the 1860s and looks suspiciously like John Travolta, The seller claims that he is a Scientologist time traveler (makes sense). It’s very, very damn strange that both of these pictures have appeared online so quickly. The only possible conclusion to draw is that these images are real. John Travolta is a time traveler and Nicolas Cage is a vampire. Those are officially facts, people! It certainly explains how the actors were so easily able to capture each other’s personalities in Face/Off. Clearly they’ve been following each other for generations and decided to celebrate their several century long friendship by starring in a ridiculous John Woo action movie together.

Okay, so there’s no way that’s true. But wouldn’t it be fun if it was true? If you want to own photographic proof of Travolta’s time traveling ways, the good news is that this photo will only set you back $50,000. I guess the Nic Cage photo cost more because it’s so damn hard to actually take a picture of a vampire. That’s the only rational explanation.

Dead Island to Become a Movie

Last year the people behind the game Dead Island released a remarkable trailer promoting the unreleased game that was essentially a short zombie film told in reverse and in slow motion. The clip was fantastic. This month the game about a group of humans mysteriously immune to zombism kicking the crap out of zombies at a resort came out to resounding cheers of, “Yeah, it’s alright.”

deadisland.gif

However, that didn’t stop Lionsgate from picking up the rights to Dead Island today with plans to turn the game into a movie. Hilariously, Lionsgate’s press release about the announcement claims that the short promotional viral video will be the film’s “primary creative inspiration" and not the game. Apparently the plan is to create a non-linear zombie movie.

Personally, I’m getting a little tired of zombie movies and think we need a bit of a break from those things. I doubt telling the zombie story out of order is going to make it feel fresh again. Then again, this clip is pretty great. I’m not sure if it’s possible to do an entire movie backwards and in slow motion, but I hope they at least try.

David Duchovny to Play a Ghostbusting KGB Agent

I’ve missed David Duchovny. Bad TV shows and sex addiction scandals have kept that guy's career down over the last decade, which is a real shame. He’s a good sarcastic leading man with some great comedic chops. (Have you ever seen him on The Larry Sanders Show? Holy crap!) Sadly his film career’s never really taken off post-X-Files with movies like the slapstick alien comedy Evolution inevitably ending up disappointing. davidduch.gif

However the Duchov just signed on to a new flick today called Phantom that sounds so crazy that it just might work (or at least be so insane that it'll be worth seeing). Set during the cold war, the film will follow a Russian submarine captain trying to cope with both a rogue KGB unit and a supernatural force that’s trying to take over his vessel.

Ed Harris will play the captain while Duchovny will be the lead KGB agent. I don’t know why, but picturing Harris and Duchovny yelling about ghosts in bad Russian accents fills me with delight. There’s always a chance that this will be a god-awful turd of a movie, but that sure as hell won’t stop me from buying a ticket for the accents alone.

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Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…

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