The Movie Spew: Good News, Transformers 4 And 5 Are On The Way!

By , Columnist

This is a great time to be a 12 year-old boy obsessed with movies. Never has another time in film history offered so many different opportunities to watch giant robots kick the crap out of each other on the big screen.

With Real Steel turning out to be a surprisingly big hit and Transformers 3 sliding into DVD after banking over $1 billion worldwide, Paramount understandably has no interest in canceling their shape-shifting robot fighting franchise just yet.

In fact, today the studio let it slip that they plan to make not one, but two additional Transformers sequels asap. Michael Bay is currently in discussions about filming the two movies back-to-back and while he expressed an interest in leaving the franchise after part 3, the guy clearly loves money and he’ll have to turn down a lot of it he wants to stop making Transformers movies.

The one person who definitely won’t be returning to the series is Shia LaBeouf, but there are already discussions for Jason Statham to take his place. If that happens, the Stath will soon be appearing in every major action franchise, with roles in the upcoming Expendables and Fast And The Furious (a series that will also shoot two sequels back-to-back) sequels already in the works.

The idea of Statham staring down a giant robot is certainly appealing, but the world really doesn’t need another shitty Transformers movie. Those sequels seemed to get exponentially stupider every time and who knows how offensively bad they could get by part five.

Sadly, the last films made way too much money for the franchise to suddenly stop though, so start getting ready for the epic two-part Transformers sequel that nobody wants to see. It should be on screens within a few short years and the scars will last a lifetime.


Johnny Knoxville Will Appear in The Next Schwarzenegger Movie

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Sometimes your hear about a casting announcement that brings together such oddly different talents that it fills you with delight. Today is one of those days, as October 18, 2011 shall forever be known from this day forth as the day it was announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jackass’ Johnny Knoxville appear on screen together.

That’s right, The Governator and the man who has been kicked in the groin on camera more than any other will soon be costars in The Last Stand. Schwarzennegger will play the sheriff of a border town forced to single handedly take down an entire Mexican drug cartel headed for the border.

The film will be directed by the ingenious Korean filmmaker Kim Jee-Woon (The Good, The Bad, And The Weird; I Saw The Devil) and should kick all kinds of ass. There’s no word on who Knoxville will play just yet, but I think it can be assumed that he’ll be a racist redneck whose love/hate relationship with Schwarzenegger provides a healthy heaping of comic relief.

Sounds great to me. Despite all of the illegitimate children and the whole “f*cking up California while governor” thing, Arnie is a wonderful action star and an icon for a reason. It’s been far too long since audiences got a chance to watch him blow things up real good and The Last Stand should be a film worth looking forward to.

Kim Jee-Woon might not be well known in North America, but he’s been cranking out some of the finest action and horror films around for years and should deliver one hell of a ride for audiences. With a cast that also includes Forrest Whitaker, Luis Guzman, and Harry Dean Stanton, we should expect this sucker to be an action film well worth watching.


Shia LaBeouf To Play A Giant 

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Apparently the diminutive Shia LaBeouf will play a 20-foot giant in an upcoming romantic comedy that unsurprisingly called A Giant. Insert your own little man syndrome joke here.


See The Trailer For The Scorpion King 3 

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Finally, why don’t we finish up this day of movie news with a trailer for what’s sure to be one of the worst movies released in the next 12 months: The Scorpion King 3. That’s right, the semi-memorable Mummy spin-off starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is getting a second sequel.

Unfortunately the producers couldn’t afford the Johnson this time since he’s too busy being the third lead in silly Hollywood action movies, so they’ve replaced his star power with a rather embarrassed looking Billy Zane and Ron Pearlman, two actors who are clearly in it for the paycheck. If you want to see one solid minute of low budget cheese and macho posturing, the next clip is about to make you very, very happy. Enjoy! 

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