Post-Apocalyptic Recipes

Preparing for 2012, part three

By , Columnist

Well done. You have not only survived the apocalypse but also ventured out into the unknown to restock your supplies. Grocery shopping has become a deadly game of Supermarket Sweep where contestants packing the most heat get the goods. You are learning to survive but are aware that the 24-hour supermarkets that once neatly stocked 40,000 of your favorite items are being overrun by cockroaches and mice, and supplies are dwindling. It is time to open your mind to the readily available provisions that are right in front of you, even if you had never considered eating them before.

If you are a fan of salads then you will have no problem consuming greenery. Unless nuclear fallout turns all flora to dust, plants will still be edible and most garden weeds like Dandelion, Redroot Pigweed, Stinging Nettles, and grass will provide Vitamin C and taste just like those things restaurants try to impress you with before bringing out your steak. Cockroaches, spiders, scorpions, worms, ants, and ant eggs are edible and are considered a delicacy in many eastern countries. It’s not easy to imagine enjoying the furry texture of a creature on which you would otherwise empty a can of Raid but most westerners pay the equivalent of a Hindu rice farmer’s yearly wage for a beef burger that farmer considers sacred. We are both assholes for our pre-apocalyptic habits but persevering won’t be about judgment, it will be about surviving. Below are a few recipes to get you started.

salad.jpgFresh Garden Salad

2 cups fresh thistles
4 tufts grass

Combine and toss. Serve at room temperature.

braised.jpgBaby Mice Soup with Cockroach Croutons

1 cup oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper
1 cup of cockroaches
2 cup of whole baby mice

Place ingredients in a saucepan. Bring to boil. If you prefer a less chunky soup, blend before serving in soup bowls with a light sprinkle of roasted cockroach.

lady.jpgBroccoli and Mrs. Jenkins from Number 4 Stew

2 whole broccoli
1 gallon water
1 Mrs. Jenkins from Number 4

Chop and mix in large saucepan. Add water and bring to boil. Serves 12.

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Holly is a freelance writer and copy editor with a background in journalism and publishing. Like a grandmother's purse, she is about three decades old, worn around the edges and mostly full of crap.

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