Dear Marriage: Hold On Tight, We're Sending Back-Up

Dear Marriage,

From the bottom of my heart, I'm really sorry the straight community in general has done such a stellar job screwing up your institution. I don't doubt for a second that you've often wanted to throw in the towel and just leave us to our own devices. I'm so glad you've stuck with me - and our society - through it all.

The media glorification of your demise and the smearing of your image has become more over the top than ever before; it must be so upsetting to watch. The stories are excessive: Jesse James or Tiger Woods being married while having sex with anyone with a pulse and Arnold Schwarzenegger waving and smiling for years while knowing he had disrespected you on such a massive level.

Britney Spears invited you into her life for 55 hours and then boom - it was over, and Larry King has brought you in and kicked you out over and over again, being married eight times to seven different women. In royal marriages as well you've been stomped on year after year. Though now with Duke William and Duchess Catherine on the royal radar, you're being met with unrealistic pressure to be perfect. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be you. You just can't seem to win.

I want you to know that I see your value. I believe you're worth fighting for and working at, and I'm just sorry we've screwed things up so horribly. Your reputation deserves to be rebuilt and your value deserves to be restored. So hold on tight, marriage, we're sending back-up.

Joining Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Vermont, the state of New York passed legislation to legalize same-sex marriage, inviting the gay community, who have been admiring you from afar for years and see you as a gift rather than a punishment, to help set the straight community straight, shedding a much needed light of appreciation on being legally committed to the person you love.

Of course, there will be problems and challenges in same-sex marriages too, let's not be delusional. But it's about time that lying-cheating-kicking-the-institution-of-marriage-in-the-balls-all-on-their-very-own politicians like John Edwards and Newt Gingrich, along with our approximate divorce rate of 50%, get it together and invite marriage into the 21st century.

We, the straight community, have had access to you forever, marriage. We can plan a wedding with our eyes closed and we can fall in love like it's our job, but when it comes to being married and working as hard as we can to keep and appreciate the gift we've been given, we're falling short. It's time to open our doors to those who might just be able to teach us a thing or two about working tirelessly, with no excuses, to make your dreams come true.

Congratulations to all the boys who marry boys and all the girls who marry girls, congratulations to New York, and congratulations to you, marriage...welcome to the modern world, may the next chapter begin now.

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