If you tune in to E!'s Fashion Police, you should be expecting nothing less than snarky quips, clever one-liners, and oftentimes downright nasty comments from Joan Rivers and crew. So, the news that Kelly Osbourne, Fashion Police panelist, has called out Christina Aguilera for her growing weight should clearly come as no surprise.
To be sure, Aguilera's look at the Michael Jackson Tribute Concert wasn't a masterpiece of fashion: Orange glow, heavy makeup, giant ratty hair, tight fishnets, and a lack of pants completed the singer's performance look that evening.
Talk of fashion (or lack thereof), however, quickly turned to a more personal diatribe. Kelly vented, "She called me fat for so many f***ing years, so you know what? F**k you! You're fat too."
Honestly, I get it. If Christina truly bullied Kelly about her weight for years, then it stands to reason that Kelly would feel a bit smug now that she's much more slender than Christina. Kelly didn't need to call Christina out on national TV, but her human desire for revenge isn't exactly surprising.
But what transcends the "who's fatter than whom" catfight is a much more important fact: Christina Aguilera isn't actually fat!
Christina has gained weight, that much is apparent. But does that weight gain really make her "fat?" Her thighs are curvier, her stomach isn't as flat, and her face is a bit plumper, but to me, Christina doesn't look more sizable than the average woman.
This is the part where I get on a soapbox and rant: Why do women do this to each other? Why do we call a curvy woman "fat," and in doing so create impossible standards that the normal person can't live up to? It's normal to have curves! It's normal to have cellulite and a round face!
I'm tired of Hollywood's definition of "normal." If you celebrities want to starve yourselves, have 0% body fat, and go on ridiculous diets, then that's your prerogative. But let's make one thing clear: What's "normal" in Hollywood is not normal for the vast majority of humans.
Kelly Ripa weighing as much as a 12-year-old child isn't "normal." Being able to see Lee Ann Rimes' rib cage certainly isn't "normal." Do you know who looks normal? Christina Aguilera! Christina Hendricks! Sofia Vergara! Kate Winslet! They appear to—gasp!—consume food on a regular basis. They jiggle! They have womanly curves! They appear soft to the touch, instead of pointy and dangerous. (I'm looking at you, Lee Ann Rimes, Katie Holmes, Victoria Beckham...shall we go on?)
If you all insist on calling each other "fat" for being a size 6 or 8, then I'm going to insist that you stop using the word "fat" and re-define your insults. Perhaps: "Oh my god! You ate a cheeseburger and don't have a concave stomach anymore!" or "I can only see two ribs instead of the entire set!" would be more appropriate for your hate-mongering.
Stop stealing our words, Hollywood! "Fat" is for Biggest Loser contestants, and "normal" is for people with a healthy BMI. If you're going to sling insults at each other, then fine. But at least don't inadvertently call all of us "fat" in the process.