Pulling Out the World's Tiniest Violin for Chris Hansen's Newest Mistress

Sounding like an idiot 101: "My married BF cheated on me!"

By , Columnist

Well, we knew that To Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen couldn’t keep it in his pants. The irony in his being caught cheating on his wife a few weeks back was so great that I think we all enjoy a great big SMH moment before promptly forgetting the sketchy creep-catcher and his sexcapade. I mean, at least they were two consenting adults, right?

According to new reports, however, we can now make “sexcapade” plural, as having a wife and one mistress wasn’t even enough for Chris. In fact, it looks like he may be going Tiger on us, as another mistress has surfaced. Interestingly enough, Kathleen Collins isn’t not a member of the press like Chris’s first dalliance.

She’s actually a Las Vegas stripper-slash-country singer.

I can’t even… I’ll just let that sink in for a second.

My favorite part of all this? This newest mistress’s heartbroken whining to the tune of: “Chris cheated on me just like he cheated on his wife.”

So… wait. She’s upset because she thought she was the only mistress? Not the only woman in his life but the only mistress? I guess it’s okay when “your” man is only screwing you and his wife, but straying from the woman he’s straying with? Downright immoral.

My brain hurts.

Ladies, I don’t care if you’re a stripper or a CEO - let’s just be clear about something. If a man cheats on his girlfriend/fiancĂ©e/wife with you, he’s going to cheat on you with someone else. End of story; no ifs, ands, or buts; don’t protest.

It’s often an indication of a moral failing that doesn’t just disappear overnight or somehow get “fulfilled” by the right woman. A cheater is not a fixer-upper, nor is he likely to find all the genuinely wonderful things about you special enough to curb the frequent downshifting in his pants.

I will always maintain that it’s rarely a woman’s fault if a man makes the decision to cheat (and it IS a conscious decision… no one just happens to pantslessly fall into bed with someone they’re attracted to, let’s be real). But if you’re knowingly helping a guy cheat, you have NO ROOM to whine about heartbreak when he goes and a) cheats on you, or b) runs back to the person to whom he’s actually supposedly committed.

On the upside for this newest country-singin’ mistress, maybe this will be the inspiration for a twangy new song that’ll have enough success to finally get her off the pole. One can only hope.

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Emmie Scott is an English major-turned-marketing exec, with a passion for writing, humor, sharing knowledge, and "pink drinks." After hours, she started Are Toe Rings Professional Attire?, a blog for college grads and twenty-somethings looking to find their way through that daunting labyrinth called…

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