Charlie Sheen: Why We Love Winners Who Behave Like Losers

It seems that Charlie Sheen maintains his belief that we were and supposedly continue to be captivated by him because he's a "winner." He believes this so deeply, in fact, that he thought recording a song about it would be the obvious next step. Thankfully Snoop Dogg was high enough to think it was a great idea as well, and now the rest of us get to benefit from their collaboration.

"Winning" is a 3-minute musical hybrid of Filter guitarist Rob Patterson, rap sensation and famous stoner, Snoop Dogg, and not at all bipolar, psychotic, manic, or substance abusing Charlie Sheen. Thankfully the song begins with a speaking part played by none other than Patterson's fiancée, Carmen Electra. Because her contribution, of course, makes the whole thing less weird. (audio is NSFW)

I feel it's only right to come clean and let Charlie know that we -- well at least the "we" who are emotionally and mentally stable in the world -- actually don't think he's a winner at all. We're actually enamored with him because he's willfully participating in the cycle our society works so hard to keep in constant motion. I like to call it the "building people up to super-human perfection only to find any excuse to joyfully watch them smash their face on the sidewalk and/or expose their lady parts as they get out of a car so we can feel better about ourselves" cycle.

We love him because we don't have to lift a finger; the entire to-do list of the cycle has kindly been covered by Mr. Sheen himself. Thanks a bunch Char, yerdabest.

Here's how it usually goes: first, we pick someone to sit on the throne of perfection. This allows us to have a baseline for what it means to be good, smart, beautiful, successful, etc. Then, we watch them like a hawk. We "love" them. And when they reveal that they're human, which we know they always will, we move in for our fix. And we can't get enough. Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera, Tiger Woods. Need I go on?

The immense pleasure from the missteps and misfortunes of those in the limelight is a celebrity-culture drug. We judge and gossip and judge some more. Then, we feel it...we're better than them. Ahhhh, feels good doesn't it. We're better than the beautiful smart successful persona we created out of them. They've now fallen, and we're sure we would have done things differently, which means we're awesome. Mission accomplished.

But we, as a culture, work very hard for that warm-and-fuzzy-feeling. We read tons of magazines, look at countless websites, create totally unfounded opinions about who people are and who they're not -- I mean, we had to build the celebs up, and we had to wait for them to fall. It's exhausting.

So why go to all that work when someone is willing to take it upon themselves to get it done? Call yourself a winner and behave like a loser? Wow, thank you Charlie Sheen. The least we can do is follow your tweets and listen to your horrid song as a symbol of our appreciation.

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