Bulbous-Butted Chick Weds Roundballer [aka Kim Kardashian Gets Hitched]

Stunningly uninteresting pairing certain to yield misshapen offspring.

By , Contributor
Kim Kardashian, known for three things -- being former BFF to Paris Hilton, having a stupid sex tape, and a protruding pooper -- married some big white doofus basketball player named Kris Humphries. Not that I care; hell, I could barely muster the energy to google all the cheesy photos for the gallery below, but since this is my job and I am a conscientious worker, here you go.

Yes, Kim Kardarshian's "Big Fat Armenian Wedding" took place this past Saturday, and to show how cosmic and enduring is her love, it was televised on E!. Some are comparing this affair to the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, watched by millions in April, but those people are all named "Kim Kardashian."

The special couple exchanged their vows in Montecito, California, and there were all kinds of famous people attending, including but not limited to Ryan Seacrest and beard Julianne Hough, Eva Longoria, Eduardo Cruz (Penelope's brother), Demi Lovato (fresh out of rehab), close family friend and Kim's wedding dress designer Vera Wang, and Serena Williams.

Also in attendance was America's Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, still alive and accompanied by her useless mother Dina Lohan. Why?  Because nobody wants to see an open bar go to waste.

OJ couldn't make it, but sent his regards.

And, of course, the entire ridiculous Kardashian/Jenner clan was there. It begs the question, who are these preening puds, and why oh why, does anyone care?

Some other stuff happened too. Earth, Wind and Fire played at the reception, because hey, this isn't 1979.  Brittny Gastineau, Kim's good pal and daughter of former NFL player Mark, caught the bouquet. We all know what that means, she'll be the next to... grow a huge caboose.

The event was catered by famed chef Wolfgang Puck. I once ate a frozen pizza by Wolfgang Puck, it gave me diarrhea.

Good luck you two knuckleheads.

View gallery: Kim Kardashian Wedding and Photo Gallery

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I have written and covered celebrity, entertainment and popular culture for over ten years. I also created celebrity web-site Glosslip.com as part of the Blogcritics.org network. When both sites were purchased in 2008 by Technorati.com, she joined their editorial team as Entertainment Editor and then…

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