The Foundations Of Keeping Your Prince Happy

By , Contributor
With all this royal talk and fairytale weddings, it might leave us commoners feeling a bit left out of the fun. But worry not ladies, I have all the tips you need for keeping your own "prince" happy. 

In general, if you can: clean, play nurse maid, cook, provide oral favors, laugh at the royal jokes, let them fiddle with their man-parts whilst watching TV, keep all areas of body hair well groomed, play nursemaid when man flu sets in, try not to drag them out of dark 'prince mood swing' holes and make them believe they are Casanova between the sheets, then they are pretty much sticking around.

I like to call these the foundations. The palace you build upon very much depends on the type of princely material you are working with. 

Prince Do-er - Works hard and plays harder. He'll want a challenge, so take him to his sporting arena of choice, be less available and get the gritty conversations fired up with great argumentative sex.

Prince Couch Potato - A sofa layabout. Chances are good he lives near his mum -- if he's a REAL prince the chances of this are very high.  90% of his meals are microwavable so you're going to have to make his life easy by cooking, cleaning, the aforementioned oral favors and organizing his life.

Prince Executive - This one's after a trophy missus so you will need to keep your nipples erect, your heels tottering, the tan up, laugh at everything he says and agree to the threesome if you are asked.

Still having trouble with your fairytale romance?  Maybe these tips will help:

Princes are NOT mind readers - They are simple creatures, so tell them what you want.
Working the royal loo - It's not tricky. If it's up, put it down. Princes need it up, we need it down.
Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. You can't fight nature.
Crying is blackmail - Understand your female power and wield it like a samurai sword
Command, not demand - Earn respect by the way you carry yourself.
No more games - Your Prince now know that his princess has requirements and standards.
Subtle hints don't work - Strong hints don't work, obvious hints don't work. Yes and No work.
Problem solving - Ask your prince if you want help. That's what men do.
Sympathy - That's what your girlfriends are for.
Weight Gain - If you think you are putting on weight, you probably are. Don't ask, exercise!

And for a guaranteed happily ever after: whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

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Emma Sayle is one of the UK’s leading ‘sex-entrepreneurs’ and was voted 71 in Time Outs top movers & shakers, topping Madonna’s 74th position! Sayle has made her name launching the elitist high end adult party brand Killing Kittens. Emma has become a tabloid darling for her provocative endeavors…

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