No Prenup For Will and Kate

To Pre or Not To Pre: Now That's a Good Question

A prenuptial agreement is an agreement made by a couple before they get married, clarifying distribution of their belongings, in particular money, should the marriage fail. In other words, if this doesn't work out, keep your grubby hands off my assets. Yes, romance at its finest.

Romantic or not, one-third of Americans say a pre-nup is part of their plan. But British royalty isn't into it...

In the history of the Monarchy, a pre-nup has never been signed. But that statistic isn't stopping the press from discussing why or why not the new royal couple, Prince William and Kate Middleton -- set to marry of April 29th -- should change things up and get one signed... stat.

While salivating divorce attorneys wait with baited breath to find out if the most modern royal couple in history will decide to pre-nup or not to pre-nup, the relationship expert in me is beyond stirred. It's not that I specifically disagree with the idea of a prenuptial agreement. To each their own. I get that we live in a society plagued by divorce, I get that it's important to prepare for the worst, to be realistic according to the statistics, etc. etc.

Preparing financially for marriage to end is real, but from where I'm sitting it seems that the obsession with pre-failure is pushing the focus on pre-success aside. We're simply too focused on the wrong pre-.

But why?

Well, because as it turns out, we hate to be uncomfortable. Shocker. When the going gets rough, we get going. And we want an exit plan. Simple as that.

It's not so simple though, because marriage is worth fighting for, right? Right. People don't talk about the fighting-for-it part so much, it's more about the how-to-get-out part. But what happens in-between figuring out something's not working, and making the plan to get out? Where's the pre... pre-nup?

In my daydreams about marriage being a commitment rather than a phase, every marriage contract signed (with or without a pre-nup) would have a pre-nuptial pre-success preparation clause. Genius, I know.

The clause would ask the couple to agree on what they, as both individuals and as a couple, are willing to do should shit hit the fan in their marriage...technically speaking.

Like, are you willing to go to therapy? Individual? Couples? Group? Check here.

Are you willing to go on a "re-connect with your partner while doing yoga on a mountain" retreat? Check here.

Are you willing to have a series of emotionally intelligent conversations before you decide to go out and trick yourself into thinking that you're in love with someone else when really it's the teenager inside of you wanting to feel special and horny and fresh and new only to further screw up your entire life after you sadly find out why, from experience, the divorce rate for second marriages is over 15% higher than for first marriages? Awesome, check here.

I just figure, after falling in love, saying "I-do" and creating a life together, it just makes sense to consider how you might handle having a real human marriage made up of scary-overwhelming-up-down-rich-poor-sick-healthy and everything in-between.

Or, you could just go on pretending that money is the only part worth preparing for. Like I said, to each their own.  


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