I hope you're sitting down, because if you haven't heard this already and you happen to be a human being with morals and an appropriately functioning brain, your knees might buckle after you hear this story. Doug Hutchison, the 51 year-old actor who has appeared in The Green Mile, Lost, and The X-Files, proudly and openly married 16 year-old aspiring country singer and former beauty queen, Courtney Alexis Stodden recently in La Vegas. Yes, 51 and 16.
"Love is ageless" they say. Well, apparently Mrs. Hutchison isn't because the pictures I've seen thus far point in the direction of a woman between the ages of 30 and 40 pretending to be younger than she is. Or, she's simply the world's oldest looking 16-year-old. Either way, I'm totally disgusted and disturbed on multiple levels and would rather vomit in my mouth than realize this is really happening.
The daddy issues are bursting at the seams, making themselves as obvious as Christina Aguilera's inability to shop in the adult section of a clothing store. It all makes me want to stay on birth control forever to be quite honest with you. But, alas, there is no way this blond fake-boobed, borderline-leathery skin, implanted lips, human Barbie doll, is 16. Nonetheless, the fact that Doug Hutchison is proud to marry a theoretical "16 year-old" totally creeps me out to no end.
Submissive sad sluttish females who feel like small little nothings on the inside and therefore marry mentally unstable-power hungry insecure and penis-picture-taking men, all wrapped up in a record breaking obsession with youth, is where our world is hanging out. We're clearly at a mental health stand-still Awesome.
An old(er) guy who wants to feel like he matters shows a young girl his penis and his wallet, she realizes that no man has ever truly taken care of her because her dad was an ass and/or an abuser and boom -- both parties think it's love. Then they get a TV show. The trend has gotten out of f'ing control. How much more can everyone in the world hate themselves and become rich and famous for it? It's like blood money to the emotionally stable. Pinch me, this is definitely my hell. No, actually, my bad-- listening to Courtney Stodden's demo tracks was my hell.
The fact is, if you're a young girl and you marry a much older man, chances are you need therapy because you have father issues like it's your job. If you feel the need to pretend you're younger than you are in order to feel sexy, chances are you need therapy because you have inner-child issues like it's your job and you were likely abused which is a total bummer but work-through-able. Either way, you need professional help.
Mariah Carey, who has continued to support the trend of looking 12 years-old in order to feel sexy, released an ad this week for her new perfume, 'Lollipop Splash', which shows Carey sucking on a lollipop with a clusterf**k of hearts and glitter and stars floating about. Other than this Hutchison/Stodden story, that picture ties for most unsettling of the week with this one of Miley Cyrus on stage dressed up like she woke up on the corner of crack and whore.
If you need to suck on a lollipop and put a barrette in your hair in attempts to find the balance between being five years old and having pubic hair in order to sell the very adult product called perfume, chances are you're a hot mess. The contributions to the rise of the pedophile culture by making insecure women think they need to pretend to like Rainbow f'ing Bright in order to be wanted and reinforcing the men who get off on it have hit an all time high. Enough is enough people. Get it together and grow the F up.
Whether it's Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or every toddler in tiara who will without a doubt end up on the 2020 version of Teen Mom, youth-obsessed adults who are trying to be young and sexy are raising children who have no clue what it actually takes to be an adult. Kids are learning and accepting the motto of our messed up society: be young or screw the young, either way, touching youth is the idea. Ugh, gross, I just made myself nauseous.
Courtney's mother Krista Stodden said, "We are totally supportive of this marriage, Doug is a wonderful man and we love him. They are very much in love and we are so supportive of this." In other words; my daughter is a former beauty pageant queen which means I'm a former beauty pageant mom which means I want fame and youth and money more than anyone else and living vicariously through my daughter is pretty much my specialty. If my 16 year-old needs to get plowed by old-man-penis to get me there, then so be it. Sign me up.
She goes on to say "Courtney was a virgin when she married Doug. She is a good Christian girl." My ass Krista, you're a delusional imbecile. Please don't bring religion anywhere near this situation. I'm pretty sure the only thing anyone's God would sign off on at this point would be an annulment and a stint in rehab. Enjoy your fifteen minutes.