The Movie Spew: Lars Von Trier Plans a Porno

Plus Ice Cube plans a NWA biopic and the trailer for Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar...

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Lars Von Trier to Finally Make Depressing XXX Art

Danish provocateur Lars Von Trier is known for pushing buttons. Whether it be his depressing tales of female anguish that raise claims of misogyny (Breaking The Waves, Dogville) or his infamous Nazi comments at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, the man is known for mischievously breaking any boundary that he can.

Today plans for Von Trier’s next movie were revealed. Perhaps we should have seen this coming all along, but the award-winning auteur will try his hand at directing an erotic picture, aka a porno. The film will be called Nymphomaniac, and will, in the director’s words, be an "explicit exploration of female sexuality aged 0 to 50." It apparently launched a bidding war amongst buyers at the Toronto International Film Festival last week and actor Stellan Skarsgard (Thor, Good Will Hunting) is already petitioning to play the male lead. Guess he isn’t getting enough at home.

In a way, it shouldn’t be too surprising that Von Trier is launching a porno epic. After all, the guy already included shots of full penetration in his films The Idiots and Antichrist. He’s clearly been building towards this and given his love of following innocent women through trying times, focusing on one particular woman’s inevitably troubled sex life sounds about right.

I can’t imagine what the final film will play like. It’s not every day that you see pornography with a tragic story or deeply pained performances (unless you view pornos as documentaries about desperate and unhappy people, of course). I think we can assume this will end Von Trier’s streak of getting Hollywood starlets to appear in his movies though. Somehow I don’t see Kirsten Dunst or Nicole Kidman being interested in offering up a full exposure of their lady parts in action on the big screen.

Apparently Von Trier plans to assemble two cuts of the movie, one explicit and one for general audiences. I look forward to seeing the dirty looks from ticket-tearing ushers knowing which version their patrons are attending. I of course will buy a clean ticket and then sneak into the XXX version. It’s the mature choice.

Ice Cube and John Singleton Plan an NWA Biopic

Speaking of inevitability, here’s another film announcement that I’m surprised didn’t happen years ago. It looks like Ice Cube will be taking a break from appearing in family comedies to create a film about his early hip hop career. The film will be called Straight Outta Compton and will tell the story of NWA, the group that Cube notoriously split up to pursue a solo career (he did go platinum, bitch).

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It’s undeniable that there’s interesting material in that story and, perhaps even more excitingly, John Singleton (the man who turned Ice Cube into an actor with Boyz N The Hood) has signed on to direct. Speaking to The Playlist, while promoting his absolutely terrible looking thriller The Abduction, Singleton said, “I can’t talk about it too prematurely about the stuff I’m doing because nothing’s come to fruition yet, but Cube and I are talking about doing the N.W.A. story. The script is really, really good, and so we’re just figuring it out. New Line really wants to make it.”

Given how long Singleton and Cube have toiled in sub-par mainstream entertainment, this could be the perfect material for a return to form. It’s obviously a world that they know all too well and a story they are more than qualified to tell. Now let’s just hope it’s better than that Biggie biopic Notorious. It won’t be tough to top, but still. Please make a better movie than that, guys.


Clint Eastwood's J. Edgar Trailer

Finally, it wouldn’t be fall without another Oscar-baiting movie from Clint Eastwood. I get that the guy doesn’t want to shoot people in the West anymore, but his calculated dramas are becoming grating. Eastwood somehow managed to make the transition from an under-appreciated director to an overrated director in just a few short years. I guess that’s an achievement of sorts.

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His latest flick is a J. Edgar Hoover biopic starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Honestly, just give them both Oscar nominations now. It doesn’t matter how bad the movie is, this sucker is getting awards attention. Here’s the trailer, note the inspiring music and rubbery makeup on DiCaprio. Now that’s how you pander for awards, baby!


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Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…

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