The Movie Spew: Star Wars XXX, Tyler Perry Network, GI Joe Bruce Willis

By , Columnist
A Long Time Ago, In A Cornhole Far, Far Away…

Well, George Lucas’ legal department just got a ton of work piled onto their desk because the world’s first Star Wars-themed porno is finally on the way. For those of you unfamiliar with the world of porno parodies, the last few years have seen a massive explosion in the genre.

Everything from The Munsters to Batman and The Simpsons has seen a parody with penetration pop up in all good adult videostores, and now someone has finally extended the party to George Lucas’ mighty empire.

The creatively titled Star Wars XXX will drop this September, just in time for the release of the official Star Wars Blu-ray box set and the inevitable Star Wars marketing shitstorm that will come along with it. Because these movies are parodies, they generally get a release without fear of a lawsuit, but George Lucas isn’t normally a man to let others profit off of his baby without getting a taste. We’ll see what happens there.

Provided that Lucas’ team of legal stormtroopers don’t prevent the release, geeks everywhere will officially have their wettest Star Wars dreams come true. Enjoy the trailer below and be sure to remind yourself that yes, this is in fact real.  




Tyler Perry, The New Oprah?

The seemingly endless success of Tyler Perry may still baffle most of the world, but you have to give the guy credit for seizing his big break and creating an empire. After all, we’re talking about a man who is running on a perpetual treadmill of films, TV shows, and stage shows all written and directed by Perry, quite often while wearing a dress. His success is astronomical and he is about to head into Oprah levels.

Tyler Perry TV.jpgAccording to the Hollywood Reporter, the man who made Madea will soon be getting his own television network known as Tyler TV. No I’m not making that up, we will soon be getting 24 hours of daily programming designed by Tyler Perry for Tyler Perry. With hours of previously produced TV shows and movies already in the can waiting to be shoved into programming slots, Perry’s entertainment machine is ready roll, and while the quality may be questionable, there’s no denying that the guy is at least capable of producing enough content to fill an entire network. That doesn’t mean it’s right, it just means that it’s possible.

Bruce Willis To Smirk His Way Into GI Joe’s Shoes

For some reason the already forgotten GI Joe movie is getting a sequel and studio execs anxious to find a way to trick audiences into buying a ticket have a plan. Apparently, Bruce Willis is in talks to play General Joe Colton, the man who formed the original ass-kicking task force and is known as GI Joe.

Bruce_Willis_GI_Joe_2.jpg

Provided that the filmmakers can actually get Willis to come out and play and not just sleepwalk through the role (cough, Cop Out, cough, cough) it could actually be perfect casting. Bruce Willis remains one of the great big screen movie stars and this is the kind of iconic role that needs someone of his stature. It’s not easy to find a reason to get excited about a movie based on an action figure, but this casting choice just might be the ticket.

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Phil Brown was born years ago. He then grew up, went to university, and now reviews movies, interviews people and writes comedy. He writes for a number of websites and publications including the one you are currently reading. Phil can be found haunting movie theatres around Toronto. He isn't dangerous,…

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