CBS/Survivors's Ozzy and Coach
Once, many moons ago, I watched a Survivor show. There was a person eating bugs. That sight byte ended it for me. There’s a reason humans find bugs as food disgusting. The birds and animals of the planet survive with bugs as their main foodstuff and they don’t need human beings infringing on their food supply. Moving off of my nature rant, I didn’t think a show with people eating insects was something I’d like.
My daughter, however, also a competitive reality show junkie like her mother, and devoted fan of Survivor, will speed and break other traffic laws to get home lest she miss the latest in insect fare.
As a devoted servant to the swanky people across the fruited plains, I dove into this show, bugfood and all, to report on the latest and greatest on this series, which does seem to have a zealous fan base.
With all the innocence of a Survivor virgin, I note the rafts as they row to some kind of exotic island, I ponder just who the hell are Ozzy and Coach, and some guy named Hantz who wishes not to be known by that name. What I assume to be the contenders appear to be a motley lot, the eldest around 50, the youngest in their early 20s.
I learn, via the narrator, that the contenders include: a funeral director, a cowboy, a Native American, and a genuine nerd. That’s right, a nerd on Survivor, and he was the star of this first episode in a manner of speaking. He was also one of the least attractive of the men, for if being handsome were the criteria to win, I could point out a bunch of possibilities for the top five, including the aforementioned Ozzy and Coach.
There are a number of female contenders who are quite attractive as well, as the males point out in their solo camera vignettes - but I’m more into the males. Not to be shallow or superficial, but Coach could sit on my living room sofa while I admire him all day.
There are two “tribes” on this “eviction” type of reality show: the Upolu tribe and the Savaii tribe. Evidently the competitions on Survivor are between tribes as opposed to individuals as it is on Big Brother, or with couples, as on Bachelor Pad. Also as in other eviction reality shows, there is a competition to win some kind of desired object or position that aids in advancement in the game. There is also another challenge that will determine which tribe is “safe” and which tribe will have to choose one of their own and “extinguish their flame.”
The Upolu Tribe
Just to keep things interesting I suppose, Coach and Ozzy were pitted against each other in something called the “Hero” challenge. Ozzy won this challenge, but Coach looked good with the effort. His team got some flint and what my ears heard as “taro” which is I don’t know what, maybe some kind of exotic island foodstuff?
It would appear that Survivors must eh, survive, albeit in an exotic locale with no cold or snow. This is a concept that might cause the desperate to eat bugs, though I really don’t believe that CBS would allow people to actually starve on this series. Survivor: South Pacific begins with 18 contenders to win a prize of a million dollars. The duration of time the contenders must “survive” is 39 days.
The losing tribe was the Savaii and they had to nominate one of their own to be sent to someplace called “Survivor Island.” As I understand, those banished to Survivor Island might return to the competition via some sort of challenge to be fought between two banished contenders, where the winner will return to the tribe and the loser will then be sent off of the show.
The Savaii Tribe
This week a contender named Semhar, a poet of all things, was voted off. Semhar may or may not return depending on the outcome of the Survivor Island duel. The nerd fellow was almost sent home. Being a possible eviction so soon does not bode well for a contender but here's hoping that the nerd, John, is around for a while. He serves as a perfect backdrop in comparison to Coach.
It’s a big deal, as I muddle through, that one of the new crop of contenders is a nephew of Russell Hantz. Since this is my first season with this series, I refer yon reader to another Morton Report column that will better explain this scenario of what appears to be of some import.
So okay, I’m in. If nothing else I have something to discuss with my daughter and beyond the fellows are easy on the eyes.
I end with a quote from this past episode that gives me pause: “The only people who are good losers are people that are good at losing." I like it.
Survivor: South Pacific airs on CBS, on Wednesday nights at 8p/7c.