Whoosh! Entourage Rushes to the Finish Line

Movie anyone?

By , Contributor

Entourage, the photo negative version of Sex and the City (woman/New York vs. men/Los Angeles), rushed to a close Sunday night and the words on everyone’s mind is not the ending, but of course “Hello, movie franchise.”

Entourage did its best to have its cake and eat it too. The show gave itself a definitive ending, followed by the credits, which was then followed by a teaser at the end of said credits (the retired for five minutes Ari is offered a studio executive job, which is favorably compared to the role of God) that will, if producer Mark Wahlberg and friends have their way, be coming soon to a theater near you. Let’s all just hope that it isn’t set in the Middle East.

entourage.finale.hbo.jpg

As a finale, this thing was as rushed as the binge diet that left Jerry Ferrara’s Turtle an emaciated millionaire Tequila baron. (By the way, it’s great that Ferrara was able to work off those pounds, but boy did he seem tiny and strange looking all season.)

Drama and Turtle’s story arcs ended last week, with of course success for both. This was no surprise because in the world of Entourage everything eternally works out and everyone happily takes a late afternoon sunning outside the stunning mansion by the exotic pool with a hot chick or as Charlie Sheen likes to say, “Winning.”

Entourage has three main characters and each essentially had their romantic entanglements momentarily cleared up. Vince, the supposed main character, fell in love during a 24 hour date with beautiful English reporter Sophia. This makes perfect sense for Vince, but for Sophia - not so much.

Vince must be pretty good in bed, because she went from not dating actors to marrying one after one night with the man who is hugged by women in every jewelry store in Beverly Hills. For her efforts she got a $1.4 million dollar engagement ring and the honor of following porn star Sasha Gray. I like Vince. He’s a hell of a guy, but he deserved better than a super quickie Parisian marriage to a character that had only been introduced a few weeks ago.

They didn’t even have a romantic scene together. Obviously, when the movie comes out, this entire affair will be old news and Vince will return to banging all of Hollywood whenever he feels like it.

Eric Murphy or E, is ostensibly the real main character on Entourage (check the credits). As lead characters go he gets my nomination as the worst in modern history. I just don’t care about E. I don’t care about his impossible to take seriously business successes. I don’t care about his impossible to take seriously angst filled relationship with Sloan. Frankly, I just hate E, which makes it appropriate that his romance was cemented with the oldest trick in the Hollywood book (I’m pregnant and it’s yours).

Sloan appeared to be permanently wigged out by the fact that E had slept with her ex-Mother in Law, but like everything else all this drama was pushed aside into a private jet with a couple minutes of Vincent Chase charm. Yuck.

Mrs Ari Entourage.jpgOf course, this show eventually veered away from its titular posse of four and became the Jeremy Piven/ Ari Gold show. I actually was happy to see the light finally come on in Ari’s head as he threw away his business obsessions and finally started to realize just how rich he already was and how hot his wife looked showing off her ass in a bathing suit.

Now the notion that Ari, whose life is his job perhaps more than any other character I can think of in any television show ever, could just retire and completely abandon his business obsessions was probably completely unbelievable to begin with (you knew he’d answer the phone eventually). But fans of the show and character only had about two minutes to enjoy Ari’s life altering realization that he’d rather be a family man, because suddenly there was the movie spoiler and that term has never been quite so appropriate because it destroyed this show’s ending quicker than Rush Limbaugh downs Oxycontin.

Sure I know that no ass in the world was hot enough to keep Ari away from the business, but couldn’t I have sat with that fantasy for oh I don’t know longer than 240 seconds?

Will I watch the movie? Probably. Am I proud of myself? Definitely not. Do I feel cheap and dirty having sat through eight seasons of this boyhood fantasy world? Absolutely. Then again I loved the Seinfeld finale.

Goodbye for now Vince and crew. I’ll be dying to see the hot women you’ll be having sex with on the silver screen

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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