If they do make it past the alcohol obstacle then here are a few bits to spice up the royal bed, Neals Yard patriotic massage oil, let's just hope they've used some foreign scents, as the patriotic smell of fish & chips or curry is what one would call serious passion killers.
If they are not quite ready for Royal rug rats then Will should wrap the Royal tool with a Crown Jewels Condom released by Heritage Condoms. They are "presented in a timeless souvenir heirloom collector's box" and combine "the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be."
In case they get the munchies post Royal bed antics then, Papa John's have brought out the 'Pizza Portrait.' The portrait is made entirely of pizza toppings on top of pizza dough. Or there's the McVities biscuit tin, a limited-edition, specially designed cookie tin featuring William and Kate. This souvenir seems particularly authentic since Prince William himself requested the cookie company make a chocolate groom's cake for the reception.
Remember Kate: If he wears his hat in the bedroom, then he must be obeyed and not spoken to. Guardsmen rules!