California Schools to Teach Homosexuality 101

Another issue for the Tea Partiers to overreact to.

By , Contributor

Did you know that back in the day, piano virtuoso Liberace sued an English tabloid for reporting that he was gay and won? Well, if you’re a student in California then you probably will in the future. The leftmost state in the union just passed a law requiring schools to teach students about the historical contributions of the gay community.

“The bill gives school districts flexibility in deciding what to include in the lessons and at what grades students would receive them. But starting in the 2013-14 school year, it would prohibit districts and the California Board of Education from using textbooks or other instructional materials that reflect adversely on gay, bisexual and transgender Americans.”

Remember that first Superman movie where Lex Luthor wanted to nuke the San Andres fault line and send California into the Pacific forever. I bet there is a lot of support for that plan in the Midwest these days. In Iowa, Michele Bachmann is gaining traction with these kinds of quotes, “If you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. It is personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement.” California and Michele Bachmann don’t even seem to be on the same planet do they?

I have a fairly smart friend who ran the old, “If we accept gay marriage, what’s to stop people from wanting to marry dogs?” argument by me. Look, a sexual relationship with a dog can never be consensual. And that's true no matter how much peanut butter you sickos out there use!

The whole thing saddens me for two reasons:

1.   When I was in high school they essentially taught us that homosexuals were the equivalent of pedophiles and that they were hanging out on park benches waiting to snare you with candy and other goodies.

2.   Hasn’t anyone out there noticed that the country is about to be foreclosed on by the Chinese?

I’ll make a minor concession. The gay people that I’ve been friends with have been a lot wilder than the conservative religious people that I’ve been friends with, but maybe that’s because they’ve constantly been told that they are going to hell just for following their instincts. If the whole world told you that you were going to hell, you’d party it up on earth too.

It’s the 21st century; there is simply no need to have gays committing suicide and being bullied just because the religious right in this country can’t handle nature.

Republican Sen. Doug La Malfa of Butte opposes the California bill.

"I'm deeply troubled kids would have to contemplate at a very, very early age, when many of us are teaching abstinence ... what is sexuality," he said.

Has Doug seen MTV these days? Personally, I’m more offended by the abstinence movement than I am by the advances homosexuals and lesbians have made. These people simply want to no longer be treated as freaks. Last time I looked, there haven’t been a whole lot of gays and lesbians producing unwanted babies in high school. Where are the homosexuals on Teen Mom?

Because religion is involved, the right goes completely bananas about this issue and the whole country goes to hell. Is it too completely insane to consider that perhaps getting everyone fed and housed should be way higher on the agenda than stamping out the part of the population that give people the willies in church on Sundays?

I support the gay and lesbian movement (I probably support the transgender movement too, but I’ll admit that Chaz Bono freaks me out a little) and I understand why it’s such an important issue to that community (they’re fighting for their survival). I find the fact that California is on such another planet as the Midwest sort of funny, but it appalls me that we can’t work together on rebuilding the economy because Michele Bachmann and Victoria Jackson would rather preach hellfire than kiss passionately on stage. 

Gay people will be part of the world forever no matter how hard Michele and her husband try to pray them away. They think that this community is leading is down the ruins of the Roman Empire. I think they’re doing their best to keep us in the Dark Ages. Meanwhile, those damn Chinese keep buying up all our debt.

Note to California kids - if you don’t know the answer, just guess Harvey Milk!

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Brad Laidman has been a freelance writer since 2000. His work has appeared in Film Threat, Perfect Sound Forever, and Rock and Rap Confidential. His defense of The Kinks' Dave Davies so moved the legendary guitarist that Davies labeled Brad his hero and he has the email to prove it.

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