- Articles: 50
- First: Jun 22, 2011
- Last: Apr 05, 2013
- « All Writers
Columnist, The Morton Report
Covering Weight Loss and Relationship Advice
Friday Apr 5, 2013 10:00 PM ET
At this point, questioning global warming is like questioning gravity.
Sunday Jan 27, 2013 10:00 PM ET
There isn't a short cut to weight loss or helping disaster victims. Aid concerts provide one exciting flurry of charitable giving, and then all is forgotten. We have entered the Elephant Age — we cannot forget.
Tuesday Dec 4, 2012 50:00 PM ET
When the woman reached the stage she turned around, faced the audience and threw her arm up into the air like the Statue of Liberty and said, "The first ten dollars for Marilyn's next campaign!" She slapped it onto the stage floor and walked away.
Wednesday May 30, 2012 40:00 PM ET
When I was seven years old, I decided that I was going to make orange perfume. I couldn't get enough of that fountain of deliciousness that sprays from a breaking orange peel. To this day, when I peel an orange I bring it up to my face and squeeze the rind together so it will bless my cheek with its magic elixir.
Saturday May 12, 2012 15:00 PM ET
I shouldn't be surprised. North Carolina shouldn't surprise me. West Virginia's primary where a Texas inmate took 41% of the vote against President Obama's 59% should not surprise me. But, it does. All I can say is thank God Jon Stewart can make me laugh about it. I wish he was doing online dating so he could make me laugh about that too.
Thursday May 3, 2012 50:00 AM ET
I avoid Walmart like the plague. I was traumatized by my first Walmart experience. I had ventured into one for the first time because of their commercials. Everyone looks so friendly!
Thursday Apr 26, 2012 30:00 PM ET
Amidst broken down warehouses and dilapidated store fronts in Downtown Los Angeles sits the shining Greenbar Collective.
Tuesday Apr 3, 2012 50:00 PM ET
At one point, we came to the most challenging of the crosses: moving logs suspended high in the air. You had to jump from swinging log to swinging log. "Are you kidding me?!" I screamed silently (yet forcefully) in my head.
Tuesday Mar 27, 2012 55:00 AM ET
Since even my New York friends had not yet heard of some of these positively must-see-must-eat-must-visit gems on the Isle of Manhattan, I thought they must be worthy of sharing!
Friday Mar 9, 2012 50:00 AM ET
In one week my face has been abrated, mud-packed and Sonicared in ways it has never before experienced. I think my face is saying "Really? Is this what we're going to be doing from here on out? Waging a Holy War against aging?"
Wednesday Feb 22, 2012 45:00 PM ET
Allison Burnett wrote the new thriller, Gone, opening Friday. It stars Amanda Seyfried, who plays a kick-ass heroine defying all odds to get the bad guy. There's only one hitch: she may or may not be crazy and the bad guy might not even exist.
Sunday Feb 12, 2012 10:00 PM ET
As Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." Ravi Sawhney seems to be in the business of raising consciousness, lifting far above the problem, shedding bright light on all the shadows, and creating a solution that ends up making everyone feel better about themselves and their environment.
Tuesday Feb 7, 2012 45:00 PM ET
Shadyac was suspicious of his own motivations, and where his heart sat in the scheme of things, long before he made this movie. Let's not all have to go through a traumatic brain injury to grow suspicious of ourselves.
Friday Feb 3, 2012 20:00 PM ET
Since it may be the end of the world as we know it, perhaps we should consider believing in magic now. Shall we? This is the story of some magic that started on Halloween night 2010 that continues to this day.
Wednesday Jan 11, 2012 30:00 AM ET
Customers who start shopping at Elisa B. tend to never leave her fold. So what's her secret? Great customer service. Yet, there is one snag she has been hitting lately: finding great sales people to deliver that excellent service.
Monday Dec 5, 2011 05:00 AM ET
An interview with extraordinary emerging artist Camomile Hixon: "Glitter is a medium that no one respects but everyone loves secretly. I feel like a naughty girl using it. I deserve to be spanked."
Tuesday Nov 29, 2011 10:00 AM ET
"I can't remember a time even as a child when I wasn't telling stories. I definitely have a storytelling gene."
Friday Oct 28, 2011 45:00 AM ET
Dyed hair on a man over 50 is the equivalent of their balancing a red Ferrari on their head: "I will not age. I am young. I can totally get a 30-year-old hottie. I will not age. I will not age. I will not age."
Thursday Oct 27, 2011 20:00 PM ET
I currently have a deep new-found appreciation for them for two very special documentary reasons, neither of which were produced by OWN, but both savvy buys on their part. Hopefully they will re-run them both films forever. Or, at least until women are truly created equal and there is no more cancer.
Monday Oct 24, 2011 55:00 PM ET
No one made a green drinks sexy until Renee Russo started guzzling them in the 1999 version of The Thomas Crown Affair. Whether bottled or hand-made by her lover's cook, they all had a similar When Harry Met Sally effect: “I want what she's having."
Tuesday Oct 11, 2011 45:00 PM ET
Rob and Laura Petrie were both great dancers - on every level. Thanks to them, I now see that when my partner and I are doing two different dances, or even step on each other's toes, it's all still just a dance.
Friday Oct 7, 2011 10:00 AM ET
I’m sorry I thought you were snobs for so long. Now, I know you are just like the rest of the flower kingdom: born to bring us joy until you breathe your last breath of life.
Sunday Oct 2, 2011 15:00 PM ET
I know all bands know they have to cater to their fans, but usually you get the feeling it's a duty, or just part of an ego-boosting machine.
Saturday Oct 1, 2011 30:00 PM ET
I think it's hard to not eat really well in London and Paris. Even rushing around on a business trip, I was able to find "fast" -- or pretty darn quick -- phenomenal food.
Saturday Oct 1, 2011 10:00 AM ET
My friend and I were clearly shocked, and laughed so hard that Grandma rose to meet our dismay with a loud admonishment: "You cannot expect a man to be faithful to you if you have a vagina the size of Grand Central Station."
Thursday Sep 29, 2011 55:00 AM ET
The woman didn’t skip a beat, and led me to the miracle cure: “We can barely keep this stuff on the shelves, and have many, many repeat customers. Everyone raves.”
Friday Sep 23, 2011 55:00 PM ET
"I could probably get a mommy reprimand for integrating daytime drama with Dr. Seuss, but my work has always been a part of my home life and my family has always been a part of my work life."
Thursday Sep 22, 2011 35:00 AM ET
Like most people you meet in the soap world, Hope is incredibly grateful for the longevity and consistency of her career thus far. She loves soaps as much as she did when she was a kid.
Thursday Sep 15, 2011 10:00 AM ET
One of my biggest Lazy Woman travel tips is to do everything humanly possible to avoid checking bags.
Thursday Sep 8, 2011 45:00 PM ET
Dr. David Simon is the co-founder of the Chopra Center, the internationally recognized healing center founded with his partner, Deepak Chopra. He is also a neurologist who diagnosed his own brain tumor. His son, Max, is helping him document...
Wednesday Sep 7, 2011 00:00 PM ET
I love the ritual of letter writing to unearth these sub-personalities and/or the automatic pilot behaviors I do that don’t serve me.
Sunday Aug 28, 2011 30:00 PM ET
The friend was choked up when he spoke of this love and and then turned straight to the hundreds in the audience “What if we ALL treated our loved ones like that?”
Friday Aug 26, 2011 35:00 AM ET
I don’t understand people who don’t understand the wisdom and depth of dogs’ love. I don’t want to understand those people, but I am guessing that in most cases, they simply haven’t had the love of a dog to open their heart.
Tuesday Aug 23, 2011 30:00 AM ET
I believe in as little effort and stress as possible in the kitchen. I believe in lots of bang for your buck and time.
Monday Aug 15, 2011 15:00 PM ET
In this case, the clam bestows the gift of a pearl. I am a Lazy Woman and I love lazy technology solutions.
Tuesday Aug 9, 2011 25:00 PM ET
They are calling it the end of an era. Daytime soap operas are slowly losing their footing on network television.
Friday Jul 29, 2011 15:00 AM ET
I recently doled out some advice that I am proud to say was handed back to me on a silver platter.
Wednesday Jul 27, 2011 45:00 AM ET
I am a Lazy Woman. Garage sales are so not my thing. They require a lot of work, energy, blood, sweat and tears.
Monday Jul 25, 2011 55:00 AM ET
I don't want to be caught thinking "What the hell happened to your face?" and have to lie. What did Nicole Kidman's best friends say to her after she ruined her perfectly stunning face at a far too early age?
Friday Jul 22, 2011 15:00 PM ET
I’ve been dating houses, hoping to get "married," aka “buy” but willing to just move in together, aka “lease.” But, when I found out recently that I have to go to London and Paris for business in September, I felt...
Thursday Jul 21, 2011 05:00 PM ET
How many people on this planet do you think experienced a loss today? That’s the one solace we can all have with any ending...
Monday Jul 18, 2011 00:00 PM ET
I found out a few weeks ago that I need to move. So, I am dating houses. Or, as my friend says, I’m “speed dating” because I don’t have a lot of time.
Tuesday Jul 12, 2011 00:00 AM ET
You will not be disappointed, because your heart, whether gay or straight, is human and will undoubtedly be moved.
Saturday Jul 9, 2011 30:00 PM ET
I perked up when I heard what I would soon discover was some serious potato-bashing.
Friday Jul 8, 2011 20:00 AM ET
I wanted a loving marriage with lots of fun, adventure and good work. Was that too much to ask?
Monday Jul 4, 2011 00:00 AM ET
I just realized that I have had a relationship hangover for a couple of months now.
Sunday Jul 3, 2011 10:00 AM ET
Four months ago I broke up with the man I had been dating for two years when I caught him...
Wednesday Jun 29, 2011 00:00 AM ET
I have lost 21 pounds since January and I haven't had one meal that didn't give me pleasure. You don't have to give up your favorite restaurant meals, or even your very favorite culinary indulgences.
Tuesday Jun 28, 2011 25:00 PM ET
I love the challenge of finding a yummy alternative to anyone's favorite foodie indulgence.
Wednesday Jun 22, 2011 45:00 PM ET
The first lesson in Michelangelo's School of Sculpting (aka Weight Loss) is getting to the bottom of the internal chatter that has you reach for food. Imagine Michelangelo whispering negative things into the marble as he chipped away unveiling the David's body.
Connect With The Morton Report
- Chaz Lipp, Music, Movies, Interviews
- Al Kooper, New Music for Old People
- Jeff Burger, Music, film, popular culture
- Michael Simpson, Home Entertainment Tech
- Bill Bentley, Bentley's Bandstand
- Matt Rowe, Music News, Reviews
- Steve Eramo, Sci-Fi
- Kaitlyn Erlewine
- Margaret Holder, Royal Family
- Gordon S. Miller